Vengeance
by JoyfulMariska
Summary: He knows how to play her. He always has. Now he's using it against her again. In the abandoned Red Hook Grain Terminal, Olivia Benson and William Lewis have their last dance.
1. Chapter 1

They already knew he was out. He'd been out for three days, leaving nothing to track him, except the dead body of his prison doctor and assisting paramedic. No one had seen him since he disappeared into the ambulance on the way to Bellevue. No one had heard from him since he called the precinct two days before.

Olivia, who had answered, dropped the phone and backed away. He said he'd missed her. But maybe it was just something to scare her. Maybe he was running. For a moment, as she sat in her desk, Olivia believed what her detectives were telling her. Maybe Lewis really _had_ run for his life. Maybe he'd left the city altogether.

But the anxious feeling that had settled in the pit of her stomach the moment she'd gotten the call from him refused to go away. Something was telling her that it wasn't over. He hadn't left.

The darkness of the impending night swallowed the city and everything in it. The clouds that had moved in, a spring storm, brought the mood an even greater ominous prevalence. Her office door was closed, sealing her off from the action outside where Nick, Amanda, and Fin all sat in their individual spots. They were ready to track Lewis, but there was nothing to tell them where he had been or where he was going.

Olivia stood up and walked wearily to the entrance of the office. The door opened easily, and its frame supported her body's weight as she leaned on it, her hands shoved in her pockets.

"You guys can go home. There's no reason you should be here losing sleep." Olivia's voice made it clear that she was tired of being afraid, living in constant fear that Lewis would be the next person she saw every time she turned around.

Neither Nick nor the others wished to cause her more discomfort, so they stood up, acknowledging her order.

"I'll drive you home." He offered as the first streak of lightning came through the windows of the precinct.

Olivia pushed herself upright again and shook her head. "I've got the protection I need. Seven officers are plenty. You just go home. I'll see you guys tomorrow."

Fin and Amanda gave each other looks that they easily read. Their exhaustion mingled equally with their anxious tendencies.

"You be careful, Serg." Amanda commented as she began to leave.

"Yeah. You too." Olivia replied with a small nod, the last of her energy required to make the gesture.

Fin looked back at his sergeant. "Get some sleep, Liv." He suggested lightly. There hadn't been a time he'd seen her more drained than she appeared then.

Three days - she hadn't slept a wink. It was evident in the darkness of her eyes, the lack of volume when she spoke, and the solemn expression in her face.

"I will." She lied.

Fin didn't believe her, but he left her tired gaze.

It had been impossible to sleep more than fifteen minutes before being jarred awake by a small sound either in the precinct or in her apartment. The fridge kicking in, the dishwasher humming, every little thing that met her ears put her on high alert.

And then there were the nightmares. If the noises of the apartment didn't wake her, the startling, vivid nightmares she experienced did.

Nick approached his partner after the two had gone from the room. "Let's go." He said softly.

She knew he wouldn't let her drive home alone until Lewis was back behind bars. The guilt he'd felt after her attack had cut him so deeply that he wished never to have to experience it again, and Olivia knew that. There was no way he would let his partner, the woman Lewis had brutalized for much longer than just four days, go out into the night alone.

Olivia didn't argue. She gave him a look of both thanks and disappointment. He waited at the door for her as she grabbed her phone and bag, her coat nowhere to be seen. The warm April day had made it impossible to even think about wearing one. It was unusual for the end of the spring month to be so warm, and meteorologists confirmed that the city would soon be back in its regular temperature state. The storm rolling through would break the warmth hovering above the coast.

Olivia walked down to the elevator, got to the parking garage, and entered the vehicle without so much as a word. Nick noticed immediately the way she let her head sit back against the headrest. As he started the engine and began the drive, he spoke.

"How you hangin' in there?" He tried to get her eyes on his, but she avoided his gaze as she sighed.

"I'm ready for this to be over." The honesty couldn't be filtered when she hardly had the energy to speak.

Nick swallowed hard. "Me too."

The headlights of the vehicles they met were so bright that they pained Olivia's head. She squinted as they continued the onslaught of her headache. The way she felt made her want to cry and explode in anger all at the same time. This time, she couldn't hide anything, not any one emotion from her squad. They each knew what she was thinking just by the look in her eye. And that was ok. They'd showed her that they didn't think any less of her after all that had happened the past year.

"Liv, we'll find him." Nick's assurance was small.

"We'll see." Olivia didn't bother sugar-coating what she believed. They would never catch him - not before he killed someone else. Maybe not even then.

Nick changed the subject. "Is Brian home tonight?"

Olivia took a deep breath. She was looking forward to Brian's company at home that night. He'd told her that he was going to be home no later than 8:00. With that thought, she nodded. "Yeah."

Nick let her rest then, unwilling to cause her to expel any more effort to speaking dismally. The storm ripped the sky open, pouring buckets of rain down upon New York City. Even the smallest smell of the damp air took Olivia back to the day Nick himself had walked her out of the house in which Lewis had almost taken everything from her. The flashback played over and over until Nick stopped the car in front of her building.

The officers on protective detail in the three cars behind them pulled into parking spots around the perimeter.

"Maybe tomorrow will be the day." He hoped it was - the day they caught Lewis, or at least someone did.

Olivia finally met his eyes, trying to offer a weak smile accompanied with a single nod. "Maybe." She moved to open the door, but stopped. "Nick if anything happens -" something about that night was different than all the others. She felt something pressing down. Something was going to happen. Every nerve in her body was on overdrive.

"- none of this is your fault. It never was."

The thought that Olivia could read him as well as he could read her never crossed his mind, until then. She could see the guilt in his eyes. She could feel it radiating off his body. Another swallow did nothing to remove the marble in his throat. It kept him from talking, but a strangled answer made its way out.

"I know. Liv, maybe I should stay. Just until Brian gets home."

Olivia smiled just a little at his comment. He'd stayed with her the past two evenings until Brian had arrived home. "You know, he's going to be home any minute. Protective detail won't let anyone else in. I'll be ok. But thanks, Nick. You go home - get some rest."

Olivia reached over to touch his arm for but a second. "Goodnight." Olivia left him in the car, jogging into the building to get out of Mother Nature's shower.

He watched her frame disappear into the building. Someday, he'd hear her laugh again. One day, he would see that beautiful, full smile she brightened the world with.

* * *

Olivia took the stairs up to her and Brian's fourth floor apartment. The hallways were darker than she'd remembered, everything was. Exhaustion crept into her bloodstream as she took the key out of her bag. Her hand unlocked the door of her home shakily, but she let herself in. It was empty, like most other nights when she came home.

She checked her watch. 7:48. Brian had to have been on his way home. She would be able to hug him soon, have the comfort only he could offer. A couple dim lights switched on when her hand caught the light-switch panel inside the door. Thunder from the storm rumbled around the city, causing the floor of the apartment to vibrate a little.

It didn't phase her. Her legs took her across the floor to where the kitchen was illuminated. She leaned against the counter waiting for the door to open. Her phone rang moments after she'd stepped in.

_"Liv. Listen, Tucker is on my ass for these nights I've been taking off. We're short staffed and he's making me pull a double. I'm chained to this desk until 6:00 A.M. tomorrow."_

Her shoulders fell. She tried to hide her disappointment. "Well I guess I'll see you then."

Brian knew_. "I'm sorry, Liv. I did everything I could to change his mind. But you know Tucker."_

She nodded. "I do. I'll see you tomorrow then, Brian."

_"Alright. Goodnight, Liv."_

She hung up before he could ask if Nick was there with her. She assumed he thought that Nick was with her like he was every other night. Right then, she needed to be alone - alone with her thoughts, her fears.

From the cupboard above the coffee maker, Olivia grabbed a fresh bottle of wine. From the drawer just below her she retrieved the opener. Her mind wouldn't let herself be reminded that her mother before her had depended on alcohol to survive. Olivia pushed that out of her thoughts. She needed an escape and that's the only way she felt she could find one.

The first glass was gone in under two minutes. It didn't burn as it went down her throat. It didn't give her a calm feeling as it settled in the pit of her stomach. Something was going to go wrong. Her bones shivered even in the warmth of the room. It would be tonight.

* * *

The strong spring storm threw wind gusts at the high-rising building of Lower Manhattan. The sheets of rain coming down blurred the view of the city's lights to faded shades of white and blue. Bolts of lightning lit up the sky faintly, with streaks reaching the ocean turning the entire sky into daylight.

The electricity it sent through the streets had no one to touch. Every street was abandoned as the weather grew increasingly dark. That very darkness swallowed everything bright that had been blooming during the beautiful day. The warm rays of the sun were gone. The reflections of the rays from the windows in the buildings had turned to flashes that cast terrifying shapes upon them.

Night wasn't the same as day. It washed away every bit of comfort that the day brought. Night was unforgiving.

* * *

Brian, in his desk during that storm, couldn't keep his mind from wandering back to where he knew Olivia was sitting in their apartment - alone. He wanted it all to be over. It should have been over four months before when Lewis had been put away at last. Olivia had believed it. So had he.

It killed him to see her fearing for her life again, that man sucking all the energy from her without even confronting her. The thing that scared Brian the most was the idea that Lewis would come back for Olivia, or that he was already trying to get her back. And what if he did? What if that beast had another chance to kill her?

If Lewis ever took Olivia's life, Brian knew his own life would be gone as well.

* * *

Olivia sat down on the couch to drink what she could. Sheets of rain driven by the wind slammed into the windows every once in a while, startling her. With sighs of frustration, she'd try and calm herself. Every noise, every shadow on the wall was him. Lewis was coming back. There was no proof of that, but Olivia had no doubt in her mind. As a man of his word, William Lewis would drive her to the point where she had to give in before being driven mad.

At 9:40, her cellphone rang. The glass of wine she'd been holding left her hands on the coffee table as she turned her phone over to find a number she didn't recognize. Not thinking twice, she answered.

"Sergeant Benson." How she hoped it was a call back to work. Her mind couldn't take the down time no matter how tired her body felt. There was nothing she could do to rest.

The chills that went down her spine made her entire body shake as the voice on the other end answered.

_"Well well. _Sergeant_ Benson? It's been a long time." _

Nothing could convince her that she was hearing things. It was for real this time. Olivia's mouth had gone dry, hanging open in an attempt to reply. On a shaky breath, a word came out: his name.

"Lewis."


	2. Chapter 2

The feeling in her body was gone as she tried to process what was happening. It was like she was living the nightmare she'd feared was coming. Thunder tore the sky apart after another bolt of lightning made her hair stand on end.

_ "Nice job, Sweetheart. Good to hear you remember me." _Lewis' remark came back.

Olivia's heart leapt into her throat, and she tried in vain to swallow it down before speaking again.

_"This is the part where you ask me what I want."_ He used his words because she couldn't.

Olivia's breathing was erratic. "What do you want?" The shaking in her voice was something that she could not stop. There was no point in trying to hide it anyway.

_ "I need you to do your job. I have a little girl here - how old are you now?" _Crackling sounded on the other end of the phone as he moved the piece of technology that he'd somehow acquired.

Olivia's heart stopped. He had a little girl? Oh god.

_ "Five."_ The voice was laced with tears.

Her fear dissolved, transforming rapidly into anger and desperation. "Lewis. This is between you and me."

His chuckle only made the flame inside her grow.

_"That's why I called you."_ His reply was cold and concise. _"You already know what I want. I want you - here." _

Olivia was already standing with her keys in hand.

_ "Alone." _Lewis added slowly. _"Or this little girl gets to experience everything you did. You remember that - right?" _

Even without the ability to see his face, Olivia was positive he was smiling. She could hear it. The image of the burns on her arms, the cuts, the violations she'd dealt with plagued her brain. For another minute, she could do nothing but breathe uneasily as she felt the pain of the torture again.

The fight was her own. She had to save that little girl. "Where." There was no question. She was demanding him to answer.

Another chuckle chilled her bones. It sounded like he was standing in an empty space, a large space with the way his voice echoed. _"699 Columbia St., Brooklyn. The old terminal." _

Olivia took a fast trip to the counter, grabbing a pad of small note papers. She wrote it down as legibly as she could with the way her hand was shaking.

Lewis was quick to remind her. _"You don't tell anyone where you're going - if I hear one police siren, this little girl dies."_

The whimpering Olivia heard in the background made her heart sink even farther. Her breath was gone from her lungs when she heard the click of the gun on the other end.

_"Please." _The tiny voice was one of complete and utter terror.

"I'm coming, Sweetie. Just hang on." Olivia was already out the door, leaving only one thing behind.

"Lewis if you hurt her, I'll put a bullet between your eyes the moment I see you." Her warning was stern, only earning another small laugh from him.

_"Don't worry. We'll wait."_

* * *

Nick arrived home with an uneasy feeling, one he'd felt before. But this time it was just more intense. He reasoned with himself.

_Maybe it's the weather. _

He watched out his window to where the storm hit its peak. Lightning streaked across the sky brighter than any city light could ever hope to be. He took a deep breath as he listened in the empty air of the quiet house.

Zara was in D.C. and would remain there until Lewis was back in custody. Both he and Olivia and reasoned that Lewis could quite possibly go after family and friends close to everyone on the squad.

It was just hard to believe that The Beast hadn't surfaced yet.

* * *

Cragen sat up in the bed of their room. The large ship beneath them didn't even seem to move as the cruise headed across the ocean for Spain. There had never been a time where he'd felt more helpless. As he listened to Eileen's steady breathing next to him, he replayed too many images in his head.

Munch had actually been the one to call him, Cragen, his former captain. Cragen sat up when he should be sleeping, thinking, hoping, praying. He didn't want to get the next phone call that Olivia was gone. Or worse, not get a phone call at all.

* * *

Olivia wasn't phased by the rain pelting the car windshield as she took off from the parking garage beneath the building. The storm's fury was audible even from within the vehicle as the streets thinned of pedestrians and other cars. Even with hardly anyone on the road to get in her way, Olivia gripped the steering wheel until her fingers were white and numb. Her teeth bit into her lip unconsciously as the upcoming confrontation began to manifest in her mind.

The old grain terminal - she knew where it was. She knew that piles of concrete, an unsteady floor, and a chipping roof warned of danger in the building. What scared her the most was the isolation of the place. It was such a huge building, but no one entered or exited any premises near it. The clock's numbers faded from 9:54 to 10:30 in what felt like a blink of an eye.

When she rounded the corner of the canal road, the towering structure came into sight. It was dark, its exterior only illuminated by the lights of the buildings across the canal. The enormity of it gave her chills. What a fitting place. The last time, Lewis had kept her in an expensive beach home. The old grain terminal on the water of the canal was much more fitting to his character, his motivations.

With her hands still shaking on the wheel, Olivia took the final turn into a lot a little ways from the building. With her headlights off, she hoped Lewis didn't already know where she was. Piles of concrete and dirt presented obstacles that would keep her vehicle from being seen. Olivia, already thinking ahead, stopped in a junk lot, filled with rusted cars and old machinery.

A long ways from a dark opening into the building, utter fear sunk into her again. Her team was already too far behind. They had no idea. She was going to go in, she realized, to finish what he'd started. A shaky breath caught apprehensively in her throat. There was no plan to come back out. There was no plan but to make sure Lewis didn't live to terrorize another man, woman, or child ever again, no matter what that took from Olivia. It was time to end the battle she'd been fighting.

Olivia grabbed the flashlight she kept in her glove compartment and took yet another breath. This time, her face stoned. She was so sick of having to be afraid. That would end. The rain had slowed, the storm heading east, the worst of it gone. As she walked to the black opening, the gun in her hand hung at her side. She was ready. She was ready for the end. As long as it meant taking Lewis with her.

* * *

Amanda was lying in her bed, staring at the ceiling as the butterflies continued to flutter in her stomach. It was nothing new. For three days they'd been a permanent feeling she encountered. With the lightning throwing light through the blinds on the window, the butterflies turned to pains.

Amanda could hardly remember a time when the oppressive cloud of what Lewis had done hadn't hung over the squad. Even after he'd been sentenced, even after they'd convinced themselves that it was all over, he had cast a shadow on their lives. Each and every one of them wanted him gone.

With a grimace, Amanda turned on her side, staring directly through the slits in the blinds out onto the city. She wanted it to end. If it didn't end soon, Olivia was going to crack and fall apart.

Amanda closed her eyes. Olivia had been strong for too long. It amazed Amanda, along with everyone else, how long it had been that she'd had to deal with everything at once and kept herself upright. Even one of them, moving to the highest position in the precinct, recovering from the trauma she'd experienced, and being thrown into a different life, could have knocked her down. And after almost an entire year of it, Olivia was still unable to be knocked down.

Amanda opened her sore eyes. There would be no sleeping for her again.

* * *

Olivia put her first foot into the threshold of the doorway as she shined the light into the abyss of darkness within. Even as she tried to keep her breathing steady, her heart pumped at a rate that made her head spin. The spray paint on the ceilings and walls closed in on her. It felt like a horror movie as she looked to her left, and then to her right. Nothing but blackness awaited her.

"Lewis." Her voice was steady, steady and loud. She wanted him to know she was coming, afraid of what he might do to his hostage if she surprised him.

The staircase in the depths of the first floor to her right caught her attention. Her feet were moving before her body could process what she was looking at. The boots she wore made hardly a sound in the echo chamber. Her jeans clung to her as the rain sank deep into the fibers. She was at least thankful to be out of the downpour.

The rumbles of the thunder outside filled the place with an eerie vibration. It created a deep sound that was almost painful to the ears.

As Olivia put her foot on the first wooden step of the winding staircases that rose above her in a maze into a tower of the terminal, she said his name again. "Lewis."

It was like he would come popping out at any second. He wouldn't kill her; she was sure of that. He would finish the job on her if he had to. And if Olivia couldn't get the little girl to get out in time, she was very aware that meant she would have to let him do what he wanted. She wouldn't let a child fall a causality of the fight between them.

A tear almost made its way out of her eye as she continued to climb up the unsteady, rotting wood. Everything she had, her job, her freedom, her life - it was all coming to an end. He'd always known how Olivia felt about children, and just like everything else he'd done, he used it against her.

The stairs did not creak, but silently took her weight. They widened as her ascent into the upper floors of the grain terminal made her even more anxious. On the landing, the second floor, far above the first, she stepped into the concrete floor of the area she encountered.

Her dim light seemed to be more ineffective in the blackness of the room. The large, concrete-walled area had obvious rooms built in. Her fingers squeezed the cool metal of the gun harder as she scanned the new floor.

The light stopped, almost falling from her hand as the beam found a figure standing. It scared her so intensely that she physically jumped, her shoulders lurching. It was him. He stood with a gun to a little girl's head. She was so young. There was nothing she could do but fight off the flashbacks her PTSD threatened to bring back.

"Nice of you to join us, Olivia." Lewis was already smiling a little. "Say hi." He leaned down to the frightened girl who cried quietly.

Olivia felt her heart break and explode in anger at the same time.

"Hi Olivia." The broken voice of the girl sent a spear into Olivia. Her feet began to move again, closing the distance between herself and Lewis.

"This is between you and me." She said through gritted teeth. Even so, her fear showed.

The scar on his face became visible as she stood mere yards from him. "I didn't want to bring her into this either. But _you_ did that." He replied, stroking the child's hair with the barrel of the gun.

"If you want her to live, you're going to give me your gun." The click of the gun made Olivia jump again.

_This is it. I have no choice. _

The pleading look in her young eyes made Olivia sure of what she had to do. Slowly, she made her way to him. She looked him in the face as she handed him her gun.

"Turn around."

Olivia swallowed hard as she did so. The cold metal of the handcuffs made her skin crawl all over again. His hands brushed hers as he restrained her. Then the whisper in her ear confirmed the worst of her fears.

"We've got some time to ourselves." He paused to give the side of her head an agonizingly long kiss. "And we have an audience."


	3. Chapter 3

As Olivia shrank away from his lips on her neck, Lewis pulled her backward. The small amount of light he had in a flashlight was all she needed to know that he had a room to himself. More than one, no doubt. The concrete walls separated both Olivia and the little girl from escape.

"Look." Lewis whispered in her ear from behind her as he shined his light around the space.

There was an old, ratted mattress lying on the floor. Upon it sat a bag. No doubt those were his tools this time. A few bottles of alcohol sat in the corner, full. A wide-eyed doll lay face up on the dusty floor just inches from the mattress. Hopefully all Lewis had done there was sleep.

The little girl was in the grip of Lewis' other arm as he held Olivia. She didn't say anything. Her chest was rising and falling at an uneven, rapid pace. Her long sleeves did noting to keep her from trembling.

"You tell Olivia what your name is." Lewis moved the gun to the girl's head again as Olivia looked over at her.

A tear fell from the brim of her small eye. "Emily."

Obviously, the small hope that Olivia was there to save her had flickered into her sad eyes. Even in the darkness, Olivia could clearly see it. She spoke, knowing it would earn her nothing more than a heavy blow.

"It's going to be ok."

Emily nodded, believing her new hero without question.

"Is it?" Lewis was infuriated easily by her outburst of reassurance. He swung his fist around to her front and jammed it, gun and all, upward into her ribs. The pain of the punch spread like wildfire from Olivia's ribs into her lungs and heart. The breathing she'd been already tiring of became even more trying. She coughed to try and get the air back into her body.

Emily made a small screech of a noise as Lewis tightened the cuffs behind Olivia. The feeling of the metal bit into her skin created another thing that she had to relive.

"Your guys at BX9 made sure we had everything we needed. Emily, bring me the bag." The girl's movements seemed robotic as she grabbed the bag from the ratted mattress on the floor.

Lewis let go of Olivia completely as she still gasped for air, blinking to try and rid her eyes of the blurring, unshed tears that had formed.

"I know you loved the blowtorch - a knife - and this." He held it up in front of his light. An old-style can opener shown in the beam.

"Emily. Go sit." The way he pointed his gun at Emily was enough to make her go and sit down without question.

"Let's loosen you up a bit." He shoved Olivia with force down to her knees and grabbed her face, pushing it upward.

The nose of the bottle hit her front teeth hard before scraping the top of her tongue. The burning alcohol suffocated her as it went down. The coughing and gurgling the liquid did in her throat did nothing to alleviate the reality that she was running out of time.

She knew what she had done. Brian would know when he arrived home from work where she was, what had happened. But she had to get Emily out before backup arrived. Otherwise, Lewis would take them both with him as casualties of an intense standoff.

* * *

The storm rolled past the city, leaving a damp, dark trail in its wake. The streets were shiny with moisture as puddles remained still beneath the lights.

Fin sat awake in his bed, still waiting for sleep to come when 10:42 rolled around. He had no way of knowing his commanding officer, his best friend was being choked with alcohol at the very minute he thought she was safe at home.

His eyes were closed as he thought about everything he wished he would have done the first time they'd encountered Lewis. Back then, no one on the squad knew what a monster he'd become, terrorizing to no end the strongest woman they knew.

Olivia was crumbling beneath all she had on her plate. Fin desperately wished to do something, anything to relieve her of at least some of the weight she was carrying. Fin took a deep breath. He really should have shot Lewis when he'd had the chance.

* * *

Brian, looking ahead to working until morning light, rested his weary head in his hand as he went through the stack of paperwork on his desk. He glanced at his phone, wishing to get a text from Olivia. Nothing came. The longer he stared at the black screen, the worse he felt. He knew what she was doing - at least he thought he did.

She was at home, their home, popping the lid off another bottle of wine with no restraint. His heart sunk. If only she knew how much he wanted to be at home every minute she was. Now she was turning to the bottle, just like her mother had.

* * *

When Lewis had made Olivia down almost half a bottle of vodka, he turned and slapped the protesting child. She had come uprooted from her spot in the corner, her arms on his jacket sleeve, tugging on him while she cried. "Please stop. Stop!"

His slap left her stunned, her hand on her cheek as she stumbled backward. Olivia vomited the majority of the vile liquid that had been forced down her throat as Lewis turned back from Emily to watch the effects his first action had on his most precious victim.

"No it's ok. It's alright, Emily." Olivia coughed the words out as she recovered.

He smiled in satisfaction. Emily was helping him get everything he needed out of his system. With a young life on the line, Olivia would do anything and everything Lewis had wished to do before, but ran out of time for.

"You said you'd let her go if you had me." She looked up at him with fury in her eyes. Lewis' smile gave her nothing more than further frustration.

"But then what would make you comply to what I want? I'm going to hang on to her for a little while longer." When Lewis let go of her again, Olivia got to her feet.

He walked to Emily, who's little blue eyes silently begged him to let her go. Olivia's heart pounded. Tears began to form again in her eyes. Lewis didn't care about the damage he caused. He'd kill both her and Emily without a second thought or a feeling of remorse.

"Back against the wall, Sweetheart."

Emily sat down, obviously having been through the drill before. The twisted metal that a concrete slab used to cover sat directly where her hands went behind her back. With the crumbling of the building, it made dangerous areas of the terminal deadly. He knelt down next to her and used another pair of handcuffs to restrain her.

Olivia's brain went a thousand miles per minute, trying to reason where he'd gotten the handcuffs, what he'd just said. BX9 _had_ helped him. That threat she'd gotten from Carlos, it hadn't been an empty one.

"How about we have some fun?"

* * *

Munch, retired Sergeant Munch was still up, sitting by the light of a lamp in his apartment. He flipped through the pages of his collection of newspaper articles about different conspiracy theories of the century. It was all he could do to keep his mind from wandering back to when he'd first seen Olivia in the hospital following her attack.

Lewis' scarred face, the smile he wore could haunt even an old veteran like Munch. An article made Munch stop and pause for a second. The JFK assassination - it was an article about that day. Skimming it briefly, Munch liked to believe that times had changed. It seemed like such an old thing - violence. With the new attitudes and views held widely by Americans, it sickened Munch how much barbaric violence there still was.

Someone had to have the job of putting that away. And he knew firsthand that his kind of profession was one where the repercussions of bringing light to the world could be not only devastating, but unfair. The protectors shouldn't have to worry about becoming a victim of the very crimes they sought to stop. The world just didn't seem fair.

* * *

William Lewis rose to his feet again. He stopped to study the fiery expression on Olivia's face. Her chest rose and fell rhythmically and slow, making him aware of her mindset. She had been ready for this. But he had been even more ready. He'd planned the whole thing. While she'd been absorbed in her work, her family, he'd been sitting thinking about her. He had needed her back.

"Lewis you're not getting out of this one alive." She shook with anger while she looked at him.

Her fingers probed the handcuffs behind her. "Well here's the thing - neither are you." He replied easily, pacing to the side. When he caught her arm he took her out of the room, through the doorway. They were out of the sight of Emily.

"I know. As long as you're gone -" she took a shuddering breath. She couldn't believe it had come to this. "I don't care what happens to me."

Lewis seemed amused by the words. "That's the attitude." He grinned.

"But if you hurt that little girl -" she lowered her voice as she took a step toward him. She had nothing to be afraid of. She was ready for whatever he wanted to hand her. "- it'll be a hell of a lot worse for you."

Her eyes narrowed. Lewis remembered what had always turned him on about her: her fire. The confidence she carried herself with drew his attention to her like no one else ever had. He'd take the last of that confidence away.

"You're not really in a position to make threats here, Honey." He shrugged as he walked a ways away from her and raised his gun.

"So shoot me. It'll save you a lot of trouble." She gritted her teeth, ready for the bullet. She would welcome any end to her constant fear. She couldn't live like that anymore.

A flame came up in Lewis' eyes. He approached her, pressing the barrel of the gun into her forehead. The fact that she didn't shy away from it only fanned that flame.

The metal dug into her skin, but Olivia didn't notice. She stared her attacker in the face, knowing the anger it caused him.

"Oh it wouldn't save me any trouble." He let the gun fall from her head. "I have more fun with warm bodies."

Olivia swallowed, knowing what that meant. There was no avoiding it now. He would take every bit of her as the last blow to her confidence and authority before he took her life.

"But like I said before - I'll still do you cold." The surge of fury he felt had him raising his hand, swinging the gun at Olivia's face.

The cracking it did when it made contact with her cheekbone preceded the pain for only a moment. Her balance was thrown as her eyes blinded her with unintentional and unstoppable tears. Olivia felt the sparks of agony shooting up into her head and down into every inch of her jaw. She had no hand to cover the wound, making it even worse. When she was able to look back at him, she gasped.

"Is that it?" She knew that if he got too angry, he'd lose perceptive and his judgement would slip. Maybe then, even with her hands behind her back, she'd have a chance.

Lewis read her eerily. "Not even close."

Roughly, he put a tight grip on her arm, pulling her toward the wall the he'd been standing near. The broken glass left only metal cages as barriers from the outside. Lewis hurt her when he pried the key from his pocket and turned her violently around so that her back was to the wall. The handcuffs came off her left hand, bring relocated to tighten around her hand through one of the metal bars in the window.

"I'll be back." He let her go then, disappearing and leaving her in the pit of darkness. The metal was too strong. Even though it seemed to be decomposing itself, there were no weak spots in it.

Olivia knew she was about to suffer. Her heart rate rose again as the only light that came out of the room again was a handheld blowtorch that Lewis carried, illuminating a small area around itself. Just the sound it made had the excruciating pain returning to Olivia's mind.


	4. Chapter 4

The light continued toward her as she froze. It reflected the shadow of Lewis' scar from his face, sending another round of terror's spikes down her spine. No matter how strong she wished she could be, the fact that she was facing the man who had nearly killed her couldn't leave her mind. The scenes that came back to her when she smelled the burning of the torch scared her more than the intense darkness did. Then the light moved faster than she could follow. It didn't take her long to figure out where it had gone when a searing pain tore her upper leg apart.

The lip she bit drew blood as the burning singed her nerves. Lewis held it for a long time. Too long. The moment he let it turn off and pulled it away, he replaced it with his finger, pressing it hard. The scream that ripped from her throat was enough to have broken glass, if there was any, in the panes behind her.

Lewis turned the torch in again, bringing the strip of duct tape up to her eye level. "Almost forgot. As much as I love it - we have to keep you quiet. For now, at least."

He slapped the adhesive onto her mouth, almost panicking her. "Hold still."

He put a hand on her arm in the pitch blackness before the light and whirring of the torch came on again. This time, the heat cut into her upper arm. The strangled sound that came from behind the duct tape pleased Lewis almost more than the scream had.

* * *

Donald Cragen got out of bed when the clock read 2:25 A.M. There was no point in trying to sleep, so he walked out onto the deck of the room, closing the door quietly behind him. The sea breeze brushed his cheeks comfortingly as he leaned against the railing. The moonlight reflected off the roughed surface of the ocean. Even in the darkness, the beauty was unparalleled.

None of it meant anything to him, though. The concern he held for his people in New York kept him from enjoying what he should. Without even checking the time again, Cragen brought up his cell phone and dialed Olivia. He had to hear her voice to know she was ok, no matter what hour. He knew, even in different time-zones, that she wasn't sleeping either. The phone rang, and rang again and again. Her voicemail picked up the fifth ring that he heard.

"It's Liv. Leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can."

The tone sounded, and Cragen could do nothing but stand still with the receiver to his ear. He had heard her voice. Obviously she was busy. Of course she was; she was Olivia Benson. She was always busy.

The uneasiness in his stomach continued.

He jumped when the door behind him slid open. Eileen joined him in the beauty of the night. She put her arm in his as she leaned against him.

"You're thinking about it again." Her voice was soft, knowing.

Cragen shook his head a little, correcting her. "Still."

* * *

Nick, unable to sleep, went over everything that Carlos had said in the cell he'd been in when they'd interviewed him days earlier. The escape from prison, the disappearance of Lewis was not a one man job. They'd all known it from the start.

And when Olivia had called Barba into the precinct, he'd let them know that she'd been threatened by Carlos, a member of BX9. Nick still pictured the grin on Carlos' face.

:::

_"If you haven't found him by now, you never will. The guy's smart." Carlos leaned back calmly in his chair. _

_Barba was as aggravated by the statement as Nick was. _

_"We will charge you with an accessory to any crime he commits out there. You'll be in here with no chance of parole." Barba leaned forward, speaking as fast as he ever had. _

_All they received was a laugh. "I had nothing to do with that guy's escape. I told you he's smart. Did it all by himself." He got them nowhere. He would deny the truth until the end of his days._

:::

The way Carlos had reacted to their questions only made it more clear that BX9 had been helping Lewis plan for months.

Nick sighed as he walked down the quiet hallway in his home. He knew as well as everyone else that the gang would ask for something in return if Lewis ever got Olivia. But they hadn't gotten their favor. Olivia was still safe.

* * *

The blowtorch scorched Olivia twelve different times. Each knife of excruciating pain caused her forehead to break out into a sweat, her eyes wet as well. In fact, her eyes nearly closed in unconsciousness.

Lewis noticed every time, and removed the flame just in time for her to remain conscious. She felt every fiber of her skin scorched as the torch burned her arms and her legs. Then he stopped, leaving her gasping for air and collapsing back against the concrete wall. He didn't have to see the agony on her face. He could hear it.

Olivia reeled as she tried to remain upright, but every movement she made to support her weight only further intensified the pain in her limbs. She managed an angry gaze while struggling to breathe. Only the silhouette of Lewis was visible.

He watched her in her battle. He watched for a while. Then, satisfied, he moved toward her and uncuffed her from the window.

"You choose what comes next." He whispered harshly in her ear. She was going to break. He would make her break.

Olivia let him lead her back to the room where Emily was. The lantern-styled flashlight on the ground beamed light on the little girl's face. She had her knees tucked to her chin, her hands covering her ears, even with the cuffs around them. She leaned into the pole, the only way she could plug her ears, and she cried with her eyes closed. The long dark hair she had fell unevenly around her face.

"I've got a knife - and this." He held up the can-opener. "We could get this part over with."

She almost vomited when she remembered his words from almost a year before.

_ "You want me to burn your clothes off or cut them off?" _

"Oh - and I saw a pile of rusty equipment downstairs. We could always find something to use them for."

The opportunity arose for a possible moment alone with the little girl. Olivia nodded, unable to speak with the tape across her mouth.

"Getting adventurous, are we?" Lewis enjoyed her answer.

He knew why she chose that. But there was no danger of the two hostages escaping, so he didn't care. Still smiling, he tugged Olivia toward the same type of skeletal window very near Emily, still covering her ears. When she was secured to the wall, Lewis ran a hand down her jawline. He then leaned in and kissed her hard.

Olivia, suddenly thankful that the duct tape was on her mouth, tried to move her head away.

"You two wait up here." Leaving her with one hand free only made his adrenaline pump harder. She still wouldn't go anywhere. And if she screamed? There was hardly a chance of a soul hearing her. He brushed the gun along where his hand had just been before grabbing the flashlight from the floor and disappearing into the blackness.

Olivia used her free hand, nearest Emily, to tear the duct tape off her mouth.

"Emily." She probed the darkness to find the girls' hands. When she did, she brought them gently away from the little ears they covered.

"Emily." She whispered.

"I'm scared" was the only thing that left Emily's mouth.

Olivia's throat closed at the shaking of the child's voice. "I know. But you're going to get out of here soon." Her hand moved comfortingly on Emily's back whose entire body trembled.

"He's going to hurt me." Emily began to cry only a bit louder.

Olivia shook her head. "He won't. I promise I won't let that happen." She leaned in closer. "But I need you to listen to me very closely, ok?"

Emily nodded against Olivia.

"If I tell you to run, you are going to run down the stairs and through the building until you get to the back. Find a door, anything to get out." She stopped to make sure the little girl understood.

"And then run straight until you see a junkyard. There's a car there - my car. I want you to get in it and close the door and stay quiet until somebody comes to get you." When she heard nothing in reply, Olivia put an arm around Emily and hugged her close to her pained frame.

"I'm a police officer." She whispered, removing her badge from her belt with a grimace.

Emily felt the cool metal object enter her grip.

"We're going to be brave tonight, right?" Olivia kept her voice low.

Emily let her body collapse into the only solace she'd had all day. The nod Olivia felt against her was all she needed. "If you take this with you, it'll help you be brave."

She let go of the badge and let Emily have it. She wouldn't be needing it where she was going.

"So - what are you going to do if I tell you to run?" Olivia whispered.

"Run downstairs and outside, and wait in the car until you come to get me."

Again, Olivia's heart broke. She wished she could be the one to rescue the little girl, but if Emily had a chance to run, Olivia would have to use the last of her life to fend off Lewis.

Olivia put her arm around Emily. She needed her to know that everything would be ok.

"You're a cop?" Emily's shaky voice came drifting up to olivia's ears.

She nodded when she heard the hope in her voice. "I am. And I'm going to do everything I can to make sure you get out of here." Olivia replied in a whisper.

Emily sought comfort in the woman she'd met only an hour before. She leaned in to let her head rest on Olivia's chest. Olivia grimaced at the contact when the girl let her head rest on her arm burned.

"My cat's name is Olivia." Emily's soft reminiscence made Olivia very aware of the shock she was in.

"I bet she misses you." Olivia replied with the slightest smile on her lips. Everything was crashing down around her, but she had to hold this little girl up. The nod against her caused her even further discomfort.

"I miss her." Emily's trembling body lurched again as she began to cry.

Olivia wished she had her other hand free to do nothing but hold Emily in her arms. "You'll see her again soon."

The fear of Lewis' impending return disappeared from Olivia's mind. Emily's gasps in sobs caused Olivia more agony than she was already in.

"Is he going to hurt you again?" The innocence of the question threw another solid lump into Olivia's throat, her eyes tearing up again.

She couldn't lie, not when Emily could hear it, or possibly be forced to watch it.

"Yes." Liv replied shakily.

The tremor in her voice obviously discouraged Emily. "But if he takes me out of this room again, I want you to cover your eyes and plug your ears. You won't be able to hear it."

Olivia couldn't stop the trembling in her own voice. There was nothing she could do to prepare more for the torture that awaited her.

"You think about your beautiful cat – how you're going to see her again soon." A tear dropped from Olivia's eye down onto her sweater. It was hard to believe how fast things had changed.

"Maybe you should have your badge – to be brave." Emily's hand pressing Olivia's badge back into her hands made it even harder to keep the sobs from escaping Olivia's throat.

What good the world had to offer. She witnessed it right then, in the worst night of her life. In the midst of the bad, there would always be good, like Emily.

"I carry it every day. You get to hold on to it for me, now." She let the badge stay in Emily's small hand. The five-year-old accepted it back gratefully. She ran her fingers around the edges of the badge.

"Why did you come here?" Emily was calming down, a relief.

Olivia sighed deeply, unable to stop the sound from echoing in the room. "I know him." She replied simply.

It would be better just to leave it at that. "He said if I didn't come here, he'd hurt you." She finished quietly.

Emily thought for a little bit, sucking air into her nose loudly, the tears having ceased falling.

The footsteps on the wooden stairs across the way alerted them both to the reentrance of the awful man. Emily's body shook again. Olivia whispered to her as she moved her arm.

"Hide the badge, Emily. Remember what I said." She began to feel the pain already, before Lewis even entered with his light.

His silhouette appeared in the dark doorway. "Good news. Found some stuff we can use."

Olivia moved away from Emily and flinched noticeably at the sound a metal object made when Lewis dropped it on the concrete floor. She said nothing to him. She had to be brave for Emily sitting next to her.

"We've got a hammer, a couple crowbars, a mattock, and a wire-cutter." He lowered his voice, making Olivia's skin crawl again.

"You choose."


	5. Chapter 5

Amanda tossed for the last time in bed when the clock read 11:45. With her eyes still open and both her mind and body wide awake, she threw back the covers and got out of bed. The rain had nearly stopped coming down as the storm passed, but it left streaks down the window reminding her of the way tears trail down a person's face.

As she stood in front of the window, she felt the exhaustion that had been hanging over them all for days. She needed to sleep but she couldn't. She just wanted the worrying and the treading lightly to be over with. It was hard to pretend not to notice the consequences the entire situation had on everybody in the squad room.

Lewis deserved to have been punished long before SVU had ever even come in contact with him. Amanda sighed. He'd killed people before, getting off every time. It wasn't fair or even understandable to see the justice system fail so many times in the favor of one terrible human being.

* * *

Olivia stayed quiet as Lewis stood before them both. She hoped morning would arrive sooner than it usually did. She hoped she'd still be able to see the sun rise above the city.

"Alright. I see how it is." Lewis turned his gaze, though invisible, to Emily. "You get to choose, Emily."

The strangled "no" that came from Emily's throat, knowing what awaited her newfound comforter prompted Olivia to squeeze her eyes shut, hoping not to let any more tears fall. It didn't work. They fell anyway.

"Emily." She spoke up, knowing that Lewis would threaten Emily if she didn't choose what tool would further torture Olivia.

"Emily, I'll be ok. Just pick." It broke her voice when she said it. Maybe if she repeated the words enough, she'd sound more convincing to Emily's ears than she did to her own.

"See. She'll be fine. So what will it be, Miss Emily?" He named the tools he'd discovered again.

Olivia was almost positive Emily only knew what one or two of them actually were. With a cry, Emily told him. It was the only one she'd ever heard her father say, working around the house. Little did she know what it meant for Olivia.

"Wire-cutter." It tore her tiny heart out when she said the words; Olivia could hear it. But the way Olivia's heart picked up speed in nervous anticipation made it impossible to hear anything else.

"I'd like some privacy for this one too. She'll get to watch soon. Don't worry." Lewis grabbed Olivia's arm and took the cuff from the metal-weaved window. As the last thing she did before being dragged out of the room, Olivia reminded Emily.

"Close your eyes. Plug your ears." She was sure the panic in her voice made Emily comply with her commands even more diligently.

"I'm not cuffing you for this one." Lewis let go of her when they were out of the room. "Because I know you won't run with a little girl's life on the line."

He was whispering in her ear, too close to her.

Olivia closed her eyes, waiting for the pain to erupt again. He didn't even bother taping her mouth, then. He wanted to hear her scream, trying to keep quiet for Emily. The cold metal was on her neck before she could take another breath. The sharp wire cutter moved slowly down her sensitive skin, not cutting, but unnerving her. Even though she tried to keep breathing normally, it was clear to her that Lewis felt her tension. It satisfied him.

The cold metal of the tool made its way down her neck, around to the front of her sweater. In the darkness, as she stood helpless, he drug it down her chest until it reached the belt of her pants. The injuries he had claimed to have only impaired him a little. She was still no match for his strength.

Lewis was concentrating on his work, enjoying it so much that he couldn't even speak. Then he grabbed her hand, and she bit her lip, knowing the pain about to erupt would prompt an outcry. She pushed her gaze to the dark ceiling of complex, unwilling to see it happen.

"Look at me." In the light of the dim building, she opened her eyes and looked right at him. He was hardly visible in the black. But when he smiled, the white of his teeth shown through the only barrier between them.

Olivia felt the sharpness of the cutters as he held it to the tender skin between her pointer and middle finger on her left hand.

"You did worse to me." He'd barely finished the sentence when the cutters clamped down, tearing through the skin easily.

Olivia didn't have the capability of remaining silent. She even pulled away as the shots of excruciating pain spread. She hoped Emily was silencing her cries at least a little as Lewis moved the cutter between her middle and ring finger.

"Now it's time for me to get even." He said.

There was anger filtering out from him then. Olivia knew she was going to have to fight hard if she wished to make it to the morning. The cutters sliced through her flesh again, sending a gasp and a cry from her mouth. She swayed, beginning to lose the battle for consciousness.

Lewis then dragged the open tool down the length of her right arm, cutting it from her shoulder all the way to her thumb. The scream that ripped from Olivia's throat reverberated off of the walls. She wished she could lose consciousness.

* * *

The night in the city brought a strange mist rolling across the bay. It made the tops of the buildings invisible to anyone standing below. It took each bridge, infiltrating the tops and the space between the vehicles and the water.

The mist moistened every branch, car, and street lamp in its path. An ominous presence, the mass oppressed the mood of every living creature in New York City and the surrounding area. Not Nick, Amanda, or Fin knew about what it was warning of.

The impending death of their squad leader, their friend, their leader had no premise in their brains. They didn't know. But they would.

* * *

Lewis stopped after he'd finished slicing the flesh from Olivia's right and left hand. Her mind didn't comply to her internal begging to black out. She felt him stop, putting the cutter to the side as her chest heaved. Sweat rolled down the sides of her face as she fell backward, sliding down wall. It hurt so badly she wished for an end to her life if he didn't stop.

Lewis stepped forward and knelt down so that his face was inches from hers. "We'll take a little break." He kissed her forehead, disgusting Olivia.

She turned away until he grabbed her face tightly.

He lowered his voice. "Wouldn't want you worn out for what comes next." Lewis grabbed her by the arm and dragged her, only furthering her pain.

Emily's ears were covered, her eyes squinted shut as she sat, her hands still cuffed in front of her around the pole. Lewis threw Olivia down again, grabbing the handcuffs she'd been wearing before. He tore her hands from her side above her head and cuffed them around the same pole Emily was bound to. Olivia to let out another cry of discomfort.

On her back, Olivia laid as Lewis stood up and took a good look at his success. The skin that was exposed between Olivia's sweater and the belt of her jeans excited him. He'd have to wait, though - if only for a few more minutes. Then she would be his. She would know that he had complete power, that it was over.

* * *

Sleep teased Fin, Amanda, Nick, and Munch as midnight came and went.

Cragen watched the last streaks of moonlight dance on the surface of the ocean, a reminder that he was being taken farther and farther from where he needed to be. The walk he took down the hallway did nothing to calm his nerves. He was going to get bad news eventually. He already knew that.

The new colors of dawn broke the surface of the horizon. Even the new lights rising in the distance could not settle his anxious heart.

* * *

Lewis watched Olivia from the corner of the room for only fifteen minutes before he could restrain himself no longer. It had to be then.

Olivia waited, hoping she could just lie there forever without fearing what was coming. When the scuffling of her assailant standing met her ears, she knew what was going to happen. There was nothing she could do to stop it this time. He would threaten to kill Emily if she resisted at all.

Without warning, Lewis leaned over her and kissed her violently. He grabbed her arm and bit her lip as he did. Olivia tried to turn away, but his strong hand on her jaw made it impossible. It made her stomach turn, and had she had anything in her stomach, she would have thrown up again.

"Good news." He whispered. "There's a pole just like this one on the other side of the room."

The grip he had on her arm didn't pain her at all with the rest of the agony coursing through her body. He pulled her up and uncuffed her, forcing her to walk unsteadily the few steps to the pole, in front of which sat the old mattress. Olivia pulled away from him, but stopped her resistance when the barrel of the gun settled on her head.

"That's enough." Without pausing, Lewis kicked the back of her legs, landing her on the floor again. She fell hard against the concrete floor, missing the mattress as he'd planned. Her hands were cuffed above her just as they had been before.

"We can finally finish this." He smiled down at her as he moved her onto the bed.

The flashlight in the middle of the room turned on when Lewis grabbed it. Olivia could see Emily. She could hear her.

"No! Please don't - please don't hurt her." Sobs were rolling out from the girl again.

The cries sent a shockwave of reality into Olivia as well. It was happening. There was no stopping him now. The thing she worked her hardest to fight every day was going to happen to her. She swallowed hard as a tear escaped her eye. Another followed, and another. They weren't stopping.

"Emily." Olivia lifted her head with great effort to look at her. "Emily I'm going to be ok."

She heard the shaking of her voice, but she could do nothing to remove it. "You do what you did before. Close your eyes. Plug your ears." She ordered.

Emily nodded a little. "Ok." She did as Olivia said immediately.

Lewis lowered himself to Olivia, still smiling. He straddled her, sitting heavily on her pelvis. Olivia cringed as the burns sounded their pain.

"Come on. We can pretend it's just you and me." Lewis was so proud of the way she looked. Her blood crusted on her face, her arm. The way she refused to look at him, just like before, made him sure everything was worth it.

As he leaned down to kiss her again, Olivia's eyes closed, her head lulling to the side. Her body went limp. She lost her battle, finally being plunged into a darkness much more consuming than the one in the terminal.

Lewis sat for a long moment, for once unsure of what he wanted. He wanted to be able to look into her eyes, make her look into his when he took her. That wouldn't happen if she was lying unconscious beneath him. He weighed his options for a long while, still perched upon his victim. Then he chose what he wished to do.


	6. Chapter 6

Brian found himself running for coffee refills less than what he did any other night. The thoughts of Olivia at home, not able to sleep, penetrated his mind deeply. He knew, at least he thought he knew, that Nick would be staying with her until he got home.

Brian had seen the protection Nick gave Olivia against Lewis and anything related to him. He was aware of the guilt Nick had felt after the attack. Now it hurt him to know that Olivia's partner, instead of him, was the one comforting her more than Brian could ever hope to with the hours he was now working.

* * *

Nick fell asleep briefly on the couch, the files still littered around him. He slept for two hours, silently, restlessly. The roof that he'd been trying to hold up felt like it was finally collapsing. Fighting Lewis was one thing. Fighting a ghost was another. Lewis hadn't appeared, hadn't surfaced since the second day he'd been out.

Nick sighed heavily when he jumped, waking from a vivid nightmare. He checked his watch and then thought about how the rest of his squad was sleeping. They were all in his same position. Except for Olivia, he was sure. Even though he was able to catch winks of sleep by hour increments, Olivia was probably not sleeping more than a few minutes at a time.

He thought of her then, sleeping in the comfort of her own bed, Brian finally home to keep her company. Little did he know that Olivia had been left alone. He didn't know where she'd gone.

* * *

Lewis waited for over two hours, watching Olivia in her unconsciousness. Every once in a while, he put a lit cigarette on her, testing if she really was out, not just playing him. She was good at that. He'd never admit it to anyone but himself.

Emily watched him anxiously, suddenly alone with him again. Olivia wasn't there to tell her it was going to be ok.

"You better hope she wakes up soon." He commented dryly. He didn't hide his impatience. "I'm getting tired of waiting."

Emily couldn't know what that meant. Lewis had a backup. That's just another reason he'd brought another person into the equation. If Olivia didn't wake up, it would be just Emily and him to finish what he had started.

* * *

Munch was asleep in the night, moving in his bed constantly as his mind was assaulted by an onslaught of terrible nightmares. The first image he saw was from his own perspective, standing in the edge of a deep canyon. Fog settled on his shoulders as he stared into the cloudy, dark abyss. Then he took one unsteady step forward, plummeting into the hole in slow motion. He watched the sky's stars grow faint as he fell toward what he thought would be worse than death itself. He sat up as the clouds took the stars from his sight altogether.

Munch breathed heavily in his bed as his heart pumped viciously from the dream. The thing was, he often felt like he was the man in the dream. He saw others around him like that too. They all fell farther into the unknown as life grew dismal. There would never be life without pain. There would never be life without darkness.

* * *

Olivia's feeling began to return in her body in painful slivers. Her eyes remained closed, her entire frame still as the burning and aching settled on every inch of her skin. It moved down from her neck. Her eyes flew open when the numbness disappeared in her right arm. She moved too, immediately being drawn back into the knowledge of where she was.

It was a mistake - what she'd done. She wished she could have tolerated the pain in silence so that Lewis would be unaware of her consciousness. He was there, wasn't he? The only thing that relieved her when she opened her eyes was the fact that she didn't feel pain where she would have expected. He hadn't raped her. Not yet.

"Welcome back, Sweetheart." Lewis was definitely still there.

She was still lying on the same mattress, away from Emily.

"We've gotta wake you up a bit." He tugged her up to sit and tipped her head back.

The liquid from the bottle of liquor splashed on her face and around her. Then it was going down her throat again. Her eyes closed, refusing to let her look over at Emily, who was covering her ears, still cuffed to the pole. The choking happened again, as much as she tried to keep it down.

Lewis tipped the bottle up and watched again as Olivia threw up, landing between her legs, the bile liquid settling into the fibers of the mattress.

"Oh look what you did now." Lewis felt that even the smallest of provocations brought his temper to a raging high. He needed alcohol. He needed drugs. He was crashing.

Olivia breathed heavily, leaning against the pole as Lewis got to his feet and walked to the corner of the room. She watched him through squinted eyes. They wouldn't remain completely open with the aching of her entire body. The thought crossed her mind vaguely. How had it come to this? She thought the pain had been over almost a year before - the physical pain anyway. But the way her body felt at that very moment, Olivia couldn't possibly imagine she'd been in any greater suffering. Every breath of stale air she took in sent nails shooting through every limb of her being, tearing every nerve within her apart.

Both Emily and Olivia shared a quick glance. In silence, Olivia did her best to give Emily reassurance. She knew any little bit was going to help the child.

Lewis washed down a few pills with a separate bottle of alcohol. Olivia jumped when the phone he'd kept in his pocket began to ring. As the screen illuminated his face, he cursed.

"I've got to take this, Hun. Don't go anywhere." He flashed a sickening grin in Olivia's direction, making her stomach heave he disappeared.

She didn't have to hold it in anymore. After Lewis' footsteps disappeared down the stairs, Olivia let a strangled exhale come heavily from her lungs. The room spun as her body burned. She backed up against the metal she was cuffed to, and leaned back against it with her eyes closed.

Emily's small voice brought her eyes open again. "Olivia." It was filled with panic. She was afraid of being left alone again – alone with that man.

"Emily. Do you have a pin? A hair pin?" Olivia knew she'd have hardly another guaranteed chance to try and get the little girl free.

Emily felt around, and to Olivia's great relief she nodded.

"My mom –" her voice caught. "- She put them in before I went to school."

Olivia closed her eyes for a moment longer. Emily would get out of there. She had to.

"Well she was smart to do that today. Do you think you can throw one of them to me?"

Emily was bent awkwardly, trying to get her hands on the pins in her hair.

Olivia spoke hurriedly. "Throw it as hard as you can right at the wall behind me. I'll duck, ok?"

The girl nodded. It was going to be nearly impossible to see the pin in the dim light, but it would be even more difficult for Olivia to get her hands on it while she was cuffed. She had to try.

Emily moved forward so that her arms could bend farther. Olivia ducked down and heard the object clink to the floor behind her. Now she had to find it. Her hands probed the ground beneath her, chilled and moist from the storm's leftover mist. It was taking so long.

She could still hear the vibrations of Lewis' voice from somewhere, maybe on the staircase. They didn't have long. Olivia made a small sound of frustration when her search behind her came up empty.

"Try another one. I'll get it this time." She encouraged Emily, who already had another pin in her hand.

The same thing happened. The pin ricocheted off the wall behind Olivia, landing in the darkness that she had access to with her hands cuffed behind her. With her head against the metal pole, Olivia searched again. She picked up the small pin after only a few moments. Her right arm screamed in protest of her movements as she felt around behind her to find the keyhole in the cuffs. When she found it, the shaking of her body made the task of inserting it into the lock and bending it all the more difficult.

Lewis' voice was increasing in volume. They didn't have time to wait. She frantically removed the bent pin again, inserting it and bending it again, and then a third time. Her entire brow broke out in a sweat when she moved the new key around in the hole. Olivia silently hoped that all the times she'd practiced to free herself in case it happened again would pay off.

"Come on." The frustration was showing.

And then the click popped the restraints from her wrist. With a heart-stopping clink, Olivia removed them, setting them on the mattress and getting to her feet. She closed the distance between her and Emily quickly, inserting the key into the lock of the other pair of cuffs. Her heart pumped so loudly she thought Lewis might hear it.

"Emily. Emily you have to listen carefully. I need you to pretend like you're still cuffed – like nothing happened, ok? But when I tell you to run, I want you to go."

The cuffs clicked open, and Olivia left them on Emily's wrists as she touched her arm.

Emily's eyes were wide as she nodded. "I'm too scared." She sobbed quietly.

Olivia lowered her voice. "It's going to be alright. You're going to be fine. You just have to run. Run as fast as you can. Don't stop. Don't look back. I'll be ok."

Olivia didn't have time to wonder if Emily believed her. She reached down to where she could see the outline of her badge beneath the girl's shirt.

"When the police find you, show them the badge. They'll know." She finished, her voice cracking.

Footsteps alerted them both to Lewis' impending return.

"Pretend everything is the same until I tell you to run. Here." Olivia placed the small flashlight from her glove compartment into Emily's waistband.

As his footsteps came closer and closer, she reached to the ground and picked up a ragged piece of metal he'd dragged in before. It wasn't much of a weapon, but it was the only one she could take without it being noticed. She then sat back down on the mattress after tucking the pin-turned-key in her own back pocket. She slid the cuffs back behind her and around the pole so that Lewis would never be able to tell she wasn't actually restrained. The cuffs remained unlocked around her wrists as Lewis' frame reentered the room.

"I guess they asked for a favor." He said, tossing the lit phone to Olivia. She quickly read the time. 2:45. She wouldn't survive. Not at the rate Lewis beat her down.

"Just a sec."

Emily's panicky gaze settled on Olivia as Lewis reached into the bag of tools to pull out a knife. Olivia had to wait. She told herself that she had to pretend she was still restrained, even as he approached her with the sharp object. There was no way she'd overpower him while he had a weapon.

"Hold still." He gripped her face again, pointing the knife at her.

Olivia closed her eyes. She had to hold still or he would know. She had to save Emily. The first blood drop Lewis saw as he pressed into the skin below Olivia's right eye pleased him. Other deep red crimson liquid dropped as he pressed down harder. Olivia bit her lip hard to keep her complaints in. It stung as the knife dragged, slicing every nerve and muscle in its way. Then he removed the knife, only to cross the first line he'd already made.

A cross - a BX9 cross. She'd seen Carlos' and the other members' tattoos. Now she was getting one of her own, a scar.

She had to wait. She had to wait until he leaned down to kiss her again, the knife out of his hands. Then she would make her move. She would tell Emily to run while she held Lewis to the best of her ability.

She couldn't hardly breathe. The end was coming.


	7. Chapter 7

Brian took an hour in the cribs when the rest of the late-shift workers busied themselves around the office. He slept only a few minutes, unable to be deep in sleep with the uneasiness he felt. Still, he tried to rest. Olivia was fine. She was at home fine. And he would see her as soon as the first light of morning broke the horizon.

* * *

Nick finally fell asleep at 2:30. The night yielded to an even darker place, one in his mind. The vivid nightmares came unexplainably to him. In one, he saw himself watching every officer in his precinct be shot down by a masked man. The dreams weren't enough to startle him awake, no matter how much he wished they would. They kidnapped him, keeping him in the realm of sleep as a hostage. They played over and over in his mind.

* * *

Amanda awoke at 3:00 on the couch, a file spread across her body. Forgetting momentarily where she was, the young woman sat up quickly. The first sound that met her ears was the sound the fridge made when it kicked in. Even that made her jump. Beside her, the lamp was still glowing bright, keeping the shadows on the walls from approaching her.

* * *

Lewis used the knife, finishing the bloody cross in Olivia's delicate skin, and then pushed it right below her nose, not on her skin, but very near it. He watched as her eyes took in the sight of her own blood dripping down from the tip towards the handle.

"Funny thing, knives." He reminisced calmly. He was settled.

"They don't give me what I want from you." He finished quietly.

Olivia swallowed the huge lump in her throat, ready to yell the word at Emily. She'd be fighting for her life in a full-body fight soon. She could feel it. All of everything she'd held in was about to come out. She was going to let loose.

As Lewis dropped the knife, Olivia parted her lips in an effort to lure him. If he didn't lean in, she had no leverage to strike from her sitting position.

Lewis enjoyed the new face she gave him. He took his hand and stroked her hair for a moment. Then he put the hand on the back of her head and pushed his lips onto hers.

Olivia's heart almost pumped right out of her chest as she turned her head and yelled the word. "Run, Emily!"

She freed her hands easily from the cuffs as Emily did. Olivia caught Lewis off balance, and she threw her arms around him, the piece of metal so close to slicing his neck. As she clung to him, he regained control too fast for her to react. The only weapon she had was knocked from her hands as he stood up and slammed her into the wall behind him. The air was gone from her lungs. Olivia moved quickly, attacking again to keep him from going after Emily. She threw a weak punch, still regaining air.

"You bitch." He was beyond angry. His tone was deadly as he forgot all about Emily and went for Olivia. He swung hard as her foot caught him hard in the shin.

He leaned over for but a second, and Olivia risked a moment to glance to where the light from the flashlight was disappearing down the stairwell. It cost her. Lewis' fist slammed into her cheekbone, already bleeding, as she looked away. It threw her off balance again, and she breathed out hard to try and get the pain to dissolve quicker than it otherwise would.

Lewis let an angry yell escape as he took advantage of her vulnerability and body slammed her again. She hit her head against the concrete wall as he took her off the ground with force. Olivia had to fight for consciousness for a new reason - Emily. If she were to be knocked out for any period of time, Lewis would go after that poor little girl. He'd catch her and kill them both.

There had been too many people he had hurt. He would never get a chance to do it again - not to her or anyone else. The words her mind had created played over and over.

_Before I die alone, let me have vengeance. Before I die alone, I will have vengeance._

His outrage would be another match for her strength. But she vowed she'd fight until one of both of them was dead.

* * *

Brian, back at work, glanced at the clock. He had no idea that at that very moment - at 3:54 A.M. - Olivia was in the fight of her life. He couldn't have any idea until he got home and saw what she'd left. Only exhaustion took over his body. The words on the pages in front of him blurred together, creating a new language not he nor anyone else had ever been able to interpret.

Brian just wanted to go home. He wanted to climb into bed with the woman he loved and wrap his arms around her. That way he would know she was safe.

* * *

Emily ran. She ran with her heart beating in her throat and her head. Her legs took her as fast as she could down the creaking wooden staircases - through the darkness of the empty concrete structure. She almost stopped when she reached the bottom of the stairs.

Olivia's words echoed in her mind, her badge in her hand, the flashlight in the other. Emily was going to be brave. She had to be - for Olivia. Her body began to move at full speed again as she cut through the darkness of the terminal. She was crying harder than she'd ever cried. There were things that were going to come out of the darkness and get her. There were eyes watching her, she felt.

It was like a nightmare she couldn't wake up from. The back of the building did have a broken window, like Olivia said there might be. Emily climbed through it, panting and gasping from sobs as she did. Her feet hit the ground running again, and she didn't stop.

* * *

His hands around her throat were the reason for the black spots in her vision. Olivia clawed at the strong fingers, trying to pry them off of her.

"Thought - you'd win this one - huh?" He was wearing an expression of pure evil on his face. His teeth were clenched, spit flying at Olivia as he spoke.

"I - will." She managed to get out, swinging her foot and catching him between the legs.

The grip was loosened enough for her to drop from the wall where he'd held her. She saw Lewis reach for her gun in the back of his waistband as she went for him again. The minute she got it in her hands, she attacked. The first crack of the gun came from the weapon making contact with Lewis' jaw. He stumbled sideways from the blow, giving Olivia time to train the gun straight on him. She was going to kill him.

It was when she pulled the trigger that his body hit her again. Her head hit the wall again as the gun fired into the ceiling. Olivia cried out again.

* * *

Emily ran past piles of rock and concrete, terrified of the shadows the dim lights around it were casting. Her legs didn't let her stop, though. The cool metal of the badge in her hands kept her moving. As her chest heaved, Emily reached an area full of junk. She didn't care what anything else in that lot was. She needed to find Olivia's car - just like she'd told her to.

The nice vehicle was parked near a pile of rusty items. Emily fell on her way to the vehicle. It seemed her feet were going too fast for her body. Her hand on the back-door's handle shook violently as she took one last look at the towering grain terminal, scarier than she'd ever seen it.

The door opened, just like Olivia had said it would. Emily didn't sit on the seat. She settled behind the front passenger seat, ducking out of sight.

* * *

The gun went flying across the floor of the dark facility when Lewis pinned her arm against the wall. She didn't even glance over at it, but in the time that it would have taken her to do so, Lewis retaliated with a hard blow to her face. The wound he'd created earlier throbbed as he opened it up again. She never had a chance to regain her balance when Lewis used his superior height and weight against her. He pulled her away from the wall only to slam her back into it so hard that her skull bounced off of it.

It wasn't fair how hard he hit. It wasn't fair for Olivia to have to try and overpower a man so much taller and stronger than her. Holding her throat again, Lewis used his other hand to tear at her belt.

"You still - don't get it." He gritted his teeth as he squeezed her throat hard.

Olivia couldn't breathe. She could barely see straight. But she couldn't let him rape her. She wouldn't. The burst of terror and adrenaline she experienced as he ripped her belt pushed her to hit him harder than she ever had. Her foot, though her body lacked oxygen, nearly swept his feet out from under him. He released her, and she fell to the floor, gasping.

Her hands searched for something, anything to help her fight. The handle of one of the tools Lewis had brought up was suddenly in her hand. Olivia picked up the hammer and swung at Lewis as he came at her again.

_Before I did alone, let me have vengeance. Before I die alone, I will have vengeance. _

Olivia didn't even get off the floor before raising the hammer, catching him in the kneecap. Lewis cried out in pain, and he actually fell to the floor on top of Olivia. She'd never seen him so mad. She set her own face to mirror it, displaying her determination. Her weakened legs kicked at him. Lewis buried his fist in her ribs, suffocating her for a good thirty seconds. Olivia almost succumbed to the pain.

Lewis' blow was so hard that her hand lost its power, the hammer dropping to the concrete floor where she lay. Her hair spread behind her as she laid on flat on her back. Lewis sat on top of her, breathing heavily as he restrained her. She couldn't kick as she lay on her back. She couldn't move with his weight above her, his hands pinning hers.

"Are you going to - beg for your life again?" Lewis heaved.

Olivia set her face as she felt the end coming. She shook her head and let out one word. "No."

He nodded, then. Olivia couldn't even cry when she told herself what was coming.

He wouldn't kill her yet.

Lewis sat up on her, moving so that his weight was just below her chest, settling on her stomach. Her legs were unable to strike him. Her hands moved in vain as she tried to hit him again. Lewis did not react, except by reaching his hands behind him and pulling the rest of the belt on her pants apart.

Then Olivia felt the tears coming again. He would have his way. Lewis always got what he wanted, and this time there was nothing she could do about it.

She knew she had to keep fighting when he moved off of her, like she knew he would. She swallowed hard. He'd have to move from her midsection to rape her. Her face became as firm as stone. Olivia knew it wasn't finished yet. She would fight until he killed her.

He ripped the button and zipper of her pants open, sending horrible shivers through Olivia. She felt so cold. It was going to happen.

When she had gone home only hours before, she planned on spending the night struggling to sleep, Brian next to her. And instead, she was facing death. She was facing death as she looked into the face of the devil.


	8. Chapter 8

Olivia was helpless to do anything. She hit him as hard as her weak arms would allow, but the blows didn't phase him as they littered his legs. The air suddenly had skin to touch when he turned his back to her, still sitting atop her. Her pants came down with no effort.

Olivia's heart pounded in her throat, the air beginning to filter out from her lungs, never to be replaced. Her brain spun. As much as she willed herself to take the end with a stern face, she couldn't stop the terror from welling up inside her. He was going to rape her. It was over if he did. She'd rather die than have to remember the feeling of him within her very being, taking everything she had left.

Lewis didn't move to where Olivia could regain at least a little leverage. He didn't move off of her yet. Instead, she gasped at the contact he made with her core. His fingers were on her flesh. She almost threw up. She wished she could. Her arms became alive, feeling around her for some kind of weapon. They stopped above her as she opened her mouth wide in painful surprise when he pushed four of his meaty fingers into her. He was taking what he wanted.

Olivia hardly had the capacity to think straight. It hurt - it hurt her body. It hurt her soul.

_This can't be happening. This isn't happening. _

_Emily is free. You fight until you're dead._

_Don't let this happen._

And as the last word crossed her mind, Olivia's hand caught the bottom edge of the hammer's handle. Her grip tightened on it when Lewis pulled his digits out of her and loudly sucked on every finger. The anger mounted.

Olivia was going to finish it. She had nothing to fear. If he threatened to kill her if she didn't give him what he wanted, she had already been expecting to die. She'd die before she would consciously let him rape her.

Her arm swung itself, sending the hammer into the space between his shoulder blades. The sound he made as he lurched forward was one of strangled unpreparedness. Olivia felt his weight go forward as he reeled. She swung again, catching him lower in his back. That time, Lewis moved sideways, ready to turn and grab the hammer from her. As his weight shifted, Olivia pulled her legs from him and stood up unsteadily. She pulled what he'd undone back to where it had been before, not having time to belt her pants. But she was dressed again - dressed and ready to fight.

In the darkness, he came at her again. It was mind-boggling how much stamina the man had. He was so strong, so able to recover from a heavy blow. She swung at him again as he put his fist in the air, throwing it at her. She hit his arm as his hand smashed into her jaw. He growled, recovering quickly as Olivia's eyes watered, her balance thrown for a loop.

Lewis tossed another punch, one so much harder than the last. He hit her just above her ear. The force was absorbed by her temple, making her crumple to the ground within seconds. The hammer fell from her hands as her body collapsed. Her eyes closed again.

Lewis laid her flat, not caring that she wasn't awake. He was taking what was his.

* * *

It was 4:30 in the morning when Brian stumbled into the apartment, needing sleep. He'd gotten off his shift early, the boss noticing his exhaustion, his distractions. He didn't turn on a light. He did nothing but quietly make his way to the bedroom where he thought Olivia would be. The minute he opened the door and peered into the dark room, he felt the emptiness. She wasn't lying in bed. She wasn't there.

His hand reached for the light switch as a sudden shot of fear surged into his head. His face felt like it was on fire as he found the room empty. In near-panic, Brian took quick steps out to the kitchen, turning the lights on in the apartment.

"Liv!" He called out. Maybe he was wrong. Maybe she was there.

A small piece of white paper sat on the counter, catching his eye. As soon as his hand reached for it, chills went through his body.

_Brian, _

_I did what I had to do. 699 Columbia St., Brooklyn. _

_I love you and I'm sorry, _

_- Liv _

Brian swallowed what moisture was left in his mouth. He couldn't believe he was still standing. The blow he'd felt with the last words took a moment to take full affect, but it was pain at its worst. She'd done what she had to do. What did that mean? Brian stood frozen, his mouth open, his hand shaking so much he couldn't even read the squiggles of words on the sheet. Obviously Olivia had been in a rush when she'd written it.

Lewis. She was with him. Brian finally was able to set the note down. His mind was running wild. Lewis had to have had leverage on her. She never would have gone otherwise.

As he put his phone to his ear, the ringing he heard on the other end of his call made him jump. His breathing was not automatic anymore. He had to remind himself every time he was short of air to inhale more oxygen. The world was spinning.

_ "Cassidy?"_ Nick's tired voice answered on the third ring.

"Amaro. Amaro you have to get the squad - get everyone." Brian reminded himself to breathe again and paused in his desperate demand.

_"Wait. Why? What happened?"_ The tone in Nick's voice changed. Now it was concerned, full of urgency.

"Lewis has Olivia. She left a note with an address: 699 Columbia St., Brooklyn." Brian finished hurriedly. The silence he heard on Nick's end was broken only by sounds of scuffling. Nick was jumping into action.

_"I'll call the others. You stay where you are, Cassidy."_ Nick gave his order to Brian and hung up.

Brian felt his legs go numb.

* * *

The moment Nick got off the phone with Brian, he threw a shirt on with a pair of jeans. He holstered his gun and had his phone to his ear again as his feet took him out to where his car was parked. His heart pounded in his head, swelled in his throat, and suffocated his lungs. The mist never even had a chance to touch him as he drove away.

He didn't have time to think of how Olivia had been taken without patrol noticing. He didn't think about how Brian was supposed to have been home with her when, instead, she was with Lewis.

The fog in the dark sky made Nick feel sicker than he already was. They'd gotten lucky once. They had found Olivia alive the first time. What were the chances of that happening again?

* * *

Amanda was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling again when her phone rang. Immediately her body jumped at the sound. When she leaned over to look at the bright screen and read Nick's name, her heart picked up the speed at which it raced. Her finger swiped to answer, unwilling to give her brain any extra time to think about what the call could be.

_"Amanda, get in your car. Head to 699 Columbia St., Brooklyn. The Red Hook grain terminal. I need you to call it in. My phone's about to die, and I still need to call Fin. Get all the backup you can." _

Amanda was already sitting straight up. "Olivia?" She didn't even recognize her own voice in its distress.

_ "She's gone. She left Brian a note. I will call Fin. Just - "_ the shaking in Nick's voice only scared her more_. " - please. Hurry." _

She couldn't feel her feet. She couldn't feel the ground when she stood up. The inevitable had happened. It just didn't seem real until right then - when they all knew it _was _happening. It was for real this time.

* * *

Fin got the call from Nick while he lay in bed waiting for sleep to return. As he answered, his throat closed.

_"Fin. Liv's gone. Get in your car and come to 699 Columbia St., Brooklyn. I'm just ahead of you. Backup's on the way."_ It sounded like Nick had swallowed a bubble, delicately speaking around it to get sound out of his mouth. But after the second and third words, Fin didn't even notice.

The sound echoed in his head.

_Liv's gone. _

He'd just seen her. They all had. Fin swallowed hard.

"How long?" He didn't want to know, but he had to. If it had been too long, maybe they were too late. Even though he told himself not to, Fin already felt the worst of his nightmares playing over and over in his mind. The scene of his friend, his commanding officer being rolled out of the beach house in a body bag had long plagued his mind. It was like he was being sucked back into a nightmare that he'd begun to think was just that - a nightmare. It shouldn't have ever had the chance to come.

Picturing that mysterious, iconic grainery, Fin almost missed the words Nick gave him in reply.

_"We don't know." _

The phone dropped to his side as Fin grabbed the keys from his counter and opened the door to go out into the night. He decided that if anyone would leave the scene in a body bag, it would be Lewis.

* * *

Emily's chest rose and fell heavily as she hunkered down in Olivia's car. She closed her eyes, afraid of what she might see through the windows if she opened them. She held the badge between her hands, hugging it to her chest. Even through the doors, she had been able to hear the gunshot.

Her little mind was filled with fear. There she found herself, in the dark, in the misty night, images of Lewis flashing in her head. Suddenly a pang of guilt wound its way through her. She should have given the badge back to Olivia when she ran. Olivia needed it. She was still with that horrible man. Emily was not.

* * *

Lewis slipped into Olivia as he'd always wanted. For months in prison, all he thought about and planned was the way he could get that feeling. Now he had it. As he opened his eyes from the immediate rush if adrenaline, he found her.

Olivia's head, face bleeding, lulled to the side. Her eyes were closed in unconsionses, unaware of what he was doing to her.

_Oh she will know_. He thought with a smile. _She will be able to feel it._

And in time, he'd do it again. Then he would see her face as he took her.

He moved, giving her everything he had. He wanted her to feel it when she awoke. Maybe she would even wake up before he was finished with her. He could only hope. The warmth he felt going through him as he moved faster, harder, had him closing his eyes. He'd been dreaming about it since he'd first seen her. Then in that court room, so many things were running through him. And it was finally happening.

He was aware that she was ready to die. But he didn't want to let her go without feeling it all. Olivia had it all coming. She had brought it upon herself. Her body wasn't even the least bit tense at all as she lay beneath him, around him. She had no ability to resist as he raped her.

* * *

Nick's foot laid the gas pedal to the floor as he raced through the streets of Manhattan. He was well aware of how long it took to get to that area of Brooklyn, even on desolate roads. Twenty-five minutes wasn't long, but it was too long to get to Olivia.

Nick's phone rang.

_"Nick. We have backup on the way - EMS, swat, snipers, NYPD._" It was Amanda.

Nick nodded. "We'll keep the place surrounded. He's not walking away alive this time."

He was suddenly fearing what would happen when they arrived. If Olivia wasn't already dead, would Lewis kill her when he heard the sirens? Would he use her to get out alive? No one could know an answer to either of those questions.

It didn't matter. They had to go. They had to try to save her.


	9. Chapter 9

Brian was in his vehicle against Nick's order. Only a small crack of light was coming up on the horizon. The sun was just beginning to show the foreshadows of its arrival. It was the ongoing pain he felt that he hadn't been there the first time that was driving him to the terminal.

Traffic began popping up on the interstate as he drove toward Brooklyn. Sirens that he could hear from outside his window made him aware he wasn't alone as he headed to the location. He caught a glimpse of a trail of patrol cars, SWAT, and EMS disappearing into the traffic in front of him.

It wasn't fair that Lewis had gotten so many chances to get back at Olivia. On the stand, he'd been able to traumatized her again. And now this. Brian wanted him dead. And if Olivia didn't get the chance to herself, he would be the one to do it.

* * *

Fin got onto the interstate with at least twelve other patrol cars. Fire rescue was speeding ahead of them all. There was no skimping on this case. Everyone in the NYPD already knew and was sending their backup. Enough was enough.

His body had gone rigid as he drove. The terror of having to see Olivia like she had been in the beach house - or worse - enveloped him. Then his mind played questions that he didn't have answers to. The series ended with: Would she even still be alive?

* * *

Lewis finished what he'd started and withdrew himself from his most special victim. He didn't have the opportunity to look into her eyes, for they remained closed. The blackout was another long one, no doubt brought to a lengthy period by the previous concussion she'd had. Lewis redressed himself and her with the energy that he regained after his release. The pain from the hammer's blows didn't even register on the Richter scale of his nerves.

He retrieved from her back pocket the small instrument Olivia had used to escape. He knew she had to have it with her somewhere. And when he found it, he tossed it out the first window he saw. It alerted him to the tiny sliver of green beginning its ascent on the horizon. The sun was on its way, but was still hours off. He still had time.

Olivia's body was dead weight as he took her by the arms and dragged her to where Emily had been cuffed. Lewis remembered the little girl. He hated Olivia for letting her escape, but he knew that the child would be no match for the other criminals out in the city's darkness. The man knew he didn't have to fear her tattling.

Olivia's wrists wrinkled when he put the cuffs on tight. Her arms were straight above her as she remained on her back, that wink of skin peering at Lewis between her pants and the bottom of her shirt. He grinned at her. He'd taken what she'd been fighting so hard to keep from him. And he planned to take it again, the next time while she watched and felt him.

"Hang in there, Sweetheart." He whispered in her ear. "We're not done yet."

* * *

The first of the patrol cars, along with Nick, Fin, and Amanda, dove into the Brooklyn-Battery Tunnel. They were only minutes from the scene, and each of their heart's took on a rhythm of fear. They braced themselves for whatever they'd find.

The second light of dawn attempted to break through the clouds, but the early morning remained dreary. The thick cloud cover made it impossible for more than a sliver of light to break through. The amount of lights bouncing off the walls in the tunnel was enough to impress and further drive each officer faster.

Olivia had told Lewis that her partner, her squad, the entire NYPD would hunt him down. She was right. The entire city was racing to her side now. The tunnel led the fleet of screaming vehicles into Brooklyn. Nick's lip was sore from being bitten so hard for so long. The largest pain in his gut was caused by the uncertainty of what they would find. If Olivia was alive, what would keep Lewis from killing her the moment he heard sirens? And even if he didn't hear the sirens, he'd be sure to hear the vehicles on the gravel. His mind worked on overdrive and he picked up the radio to speak to every officer in every vehicle.

_"We need to turn off sirens and lights now. Perp is hard of hearing - maybe we'll get lucky." _

* * *

When Emily couldn't keep her eyes open any longer, she let her head rest back against the door. She fell into a restless, terrifying sleep. The nightmares took her to a realm she wished she could fight her way out of, but found herself trapped in. Lewis' face, the scar, his teeth as he smiled all flashed in front of her closed eyes. Her body moved, uncomfortable in its place. Still, she could not wake.

Emily was only five years old. The things she didn't know were best to be left unknown. One day she would understand. One day the nightmares would end.

* * *

Nearly a half hour after she'd gotten the call from Nick, Amanda turned onto the road that harbored the Red Hook Grain Terminal. Every vehicle was parked far enough away from the terminal that it would make it hard for Lewis to see or hear them. All the officers and paramedics had received the word to turn off sirens and headlights. It was just the darkness and them.

Nick was standing in a jacket that another officer had handed him. Fin stood next to him, gun drawn, ready to go in. Amanda jogged up to the two, talking to a large group of SWAT, other NYPD backup, and EMT's.

"This place is huge." She was out of breath as she took in the size of the challenge they faced. Olivia was somewhere in there. She was in there with Lewis.

"We're going in." Fin said to her plainly.

She already knew what he meant. They were going to find Olivia if it took all day. They were going to find Lewis and put a bullet in his brain if Olivia hadn't.

"And if he hears us?" One officer questioned, obviously thinking much like the others were. No one wanted their rescue to be cause for Lewis to pull the trigger while he held the gun to Olivia's head.

"That's a risk we have to take." Nick swallowed hard as he scaled the building.

It was huge. They could be anywhere.

* * *

Brian stopped before the turn to the bay road. He watched from his car as the other vehicles, silent, dark, congregated. From where he sat, Brian could see Amanda, Fin, and Nick. He saw the others getting ready to go in. It was so hard for him to breathe. He wanted to be in there with them, but he knew his limits.

He couldn't go. He couldn't be the one to hesitate, lose perspective and cause Lewis to pull the trigger. So he would wait. He had no other choice.

* * *

Olivia opened her eyes in agonizing confusion only ten or so minutes after Lewis had lifted himself off of her. Even with the pain coursing through her right arm where the wire-cutter had done its damage, the throbbing between her legs pained her more deeply. For only a minute, she had to wonder again where she was. Her head was pierced with needles, her cheeks and arms on fire. When Lewis spoke, she remembered.

"Welcome back." He had done it. He had raped her. She could feel it.

Her eyes were wide in panic. She was a victim.

_Survivor_. She corrected herself, closing her eyes as Lewis approached her. _Survivor._

He leaned down as the lump in her throat pushed tears out of her eyes, and sent them rolling across her face. It was over.

"You're the best I've ever had."

Her stomach was empty, but Olivia turned her head to the side and did an awful dry heave. Her entire body gagged on the staleness of the room. His face, so close to hers, smelled like drugs, perspiration. Worst of all, he smelled like her.

Olivia's body calmed from its sickness, and she forced her face to turn to his. With the last of the spit she had in her dry mouth, Olivia wheeled it at her assailant, the man she would kill. Lewis did back up as the spray hit him squarely in the face.

The pangs sent upward from her core made her tears dry up, replaced by sounds of discomfort.

"You're going to die here." The rasping sound was hardly a voice. Olivia didn't even recognize it as her own. She didn't care.

"That right?" Lewis did what he had before, licking his fingers that glistened with her saliva.

"How are you feeling?" All he had to do was mention it and he knew that it was a blow that Olivia could almost physically feel. She moved in her discomfort, squinting her eyes shut again. She wished he would kill her.

* * *

"The only one in there we're retrieving is Sergeant Benson." Nick made the objective quite clear as he, Amanda, Fin, and a huge group of other officers jogged toward the building.

The entrance was dark as they approached it.

"Split up in twos. Cover as much ground as possible." Fin instructed them, fear still changing his voice as it left his throat.

The lights that they each held shone into the desolate blackness of the terminal's bowels. When the first area broke off, Fin gave Amanda a quick pat on the back before leaving her and Nick. He and a group of others headed down the hallway. Neither Amanda nor Nick could say anything as they continued into the main floor of the building. They just held their guns as tightly as they ever had.

The pillars inside the concrete structure wound around and around for too long. Nick and Amanda paused every once in a while to train their ears for voices, cries, anything. They stepped into an open area over twenty minutes after they'd arrived on scene. Both were beginning to think it was hopeless. The open space yielded to a series of staircases built years and years before. Nick paused at the base, listening.

* * *

"You know, you woke up before I thought you would. You ready for round two?" Lewis went for her handcuffs, holding the gun in his hand as he released her from her restraints.

After all, the mattress was on the other side of the room. He hadn't wanted her resting comfortably for too long.

Olivia found it difficult to keep quiet as the pains in her sent shock waves through her. She wasn't going to be cuffed again. He wouldn't get the chance to assault her again. Olivia shrugged away from his grip. As he pulled her back into his chest, Olivia pushed the top of her head into his chin. Lewis bit his tongue hard as a result of the unexpected contact.

* * *

Nick heard what Amanda did. It was the low reverberations of a voice followed by a lighter tone. He began the ascent up the stairs carefully as his heart pounded. She was still alive. They had a chance to save her. When he stepped onto the third staircase toward the upper areas, both he and Amanda heard the sudden scuffling above them. Then a man's voice sounded.

They shared a terrified glance in the dim light. Their feet picked up the pace. Amanda's ears took in a sound that made them both cringe. Olivia screamed.

* * *

Lewis had taken but a moment to put a hand to his bleeding mouth as Olivia went for the gun in his hand. She needed it in hers to kill him then and there. The cold metal of it was in both of their hands as they struggled.

It was suddenly a deadlock. Olivia couldn't move. Lewis couldn't move. He broke that lock when he brought his fist down on Olivia's back. The air left her lungs like a balloon popping. She staggered only a bit, her hand still on the weapon. Lewis had just shaken the weapon free from her hand, sending her nearly to the floor. He was pushing her arm behind her back painfully when they both heard the voice in the doorway.

"Lewis. Get the hell away from her."


	10. Chapter 10

Lewis pulled Olivia straight up, one of his arms still gripping hers as he slid his other hand around her neck. Nick's heart dropped immediately when the lights of their flashlights caught the blade of the knife at Olivia's neck. Olivia was just as puzzled as they were. The knife had suddenly appeared in his hand.

She couldn't even stand up straight as the pain coursed through her.

Time almost stopped as Nick saw her for the first time. Her arm was bleeding. She had multiple lacerations on her face beginning to bruise. Her body trembled. When his light caught another shiny object, he noticed what he wished he wouldn't have. Her belt was undone. He was well aware of the spear that was driven into his soul. It was worse than the last time. The level of uncertainty was the same, but the injuries were so much worse.

She shook from head to toe, no doubt a combination of the pain and the overall situation. Lewis had a knife to her throat. He was going to kill her, and Nick didn't hold the confidence that he could get a shot without Lewis laying the knife into Olivia.

Amanda couldn't breathe. She couldn't swallow. As she stared at Olivia's accepting eyes, she panicked. Her gun was up in front of her as Nick opened his mouth.

"Lewis. Back the hell away from her." She didn't hear even a hint of a shake in his voice.

Nick was livid. Lewis was finally going to get what was a long time coming to him. Yet he was still destroying Olivia. He was holding a knife to her throat, his hand in her hair, freeing her neck for his blade.

Olivia's heart pumped the fastest it had ever gone when she stood, pulling her hands up into a surrender as the blade of the knife was held against her neck. It was over. Lewis swayed behind her as he smiled in the light that now spread across the horizon. Morning was on its way.

"You missed it." He began to speak. Olivia closed her eyes, wishing that he wouldn't say what she knew he wanted to.

Nick trained his gun on Lewis' head as Amanda did the same. Both began to move slowly, splitting up. Lewis noted the movement immediately.

"Stop moving - or she dies." The knife drew blood when he held against Olivia's neck harder. She made a sound of discomfort, halting both Amanda and Nick in their tracks.

Nick was shaking so badly he didn't think he could get an accurate shot off. Everything else in the world disappeared. The rest of his life, his and Amanda's and Olivia's, would change no matter what happened. He couldn't lose Olivia. He couldn't lose his best friend.

"Lewis if you let her go, you'll walk out of this alive." Amanda opened her mouth as she pointed her gun.

Olivia kept her eyes closed, hoping that if she did, the nightmare would disappear.

"See, I wasn't planning on that anyway. Neither was Olivia, were you, Sweetheart?" He let go of her hair and pushed his arm around her chest, making sure she was immobile.

The increased pressure on her throat made Olivia reply. "No."

She could feel the end coming. There was nothing else past that point. It wasn't Nick or Amanda who were in danger. She never wanted it to be that way. It was _her_ life she was ready to give up to end the battle she'd been fighting with Lewis, not theirs.

Her eyes began to produce the tears she wished she could keep inside forever. They brimmed and fell down over her cheeks. Then she opened her eyes. She wanted to die not looking into the darkness, but rather at the people who had loyally become her family.

* * *

Brian kept his head in his hands against the steering wheel of the vehicle while he waited in agony. His stomach tied itself into knots so large he felt he would throw up. He was unable to cry with the exhaustion he felt, but he wanted to. He wanted to let it all out.

The radio in his center console was dead after the initial chatter. Not one person had found Olivia. And if they had, they hadn't said anything about it. Maybe no news was good news, but maybe it wasn't.

The horizon lit up with a dark orange following the green. The clock read 5:28.

* * *

Nick saw the tears slide down Olivia's face in the beam of his flashlight. He swallowed hard, watching her eyes tell him goodbye. Knowing what she was thinking with only one look was both a blessing and a curse. She was ready to go, but Nick couldn't let it happen. Lewis had taken too much without taking her life.

"Get your radio." Lewis instructed.

Amanda hesitated as she found the tears in Olivia's eyes. Lewis pulled the blade closer into Olivia's neck, drawing more blood as he cut off her air with the other arm. Olivia made another noise. It was enough for Amanda to pick up her radio.

Nick aimed to shoot, but Lewis didn't hold still. What if he swiped the blade across Olivia's neck as he went down? What if he wasn't killed with one shot? What if Nick missed and hit his partner? Amanda was thinking the same things.

"Turn it on, and set it down." Lewis was pleased that she did what he said, slowly and cautiously.

"You're all too late."

Olivia cringed as he kissed her neck. Her entire body wanted to collapse. She thought she soon would, and when she did, it would be over for her. That blade would catch her throat as she went down.

As she looked into Nick's eyes, she read his thoughts. Amanda put her gun back on Lewis while Olivia gave them the words on her own.

"It's ok." Her voice was hardly the one they recognized. It hurt them even more to hear it so broken.

Lewis was angered by the outburst, pushing her chin up. Olivia gasped in terrible anticipation.

* * *

Fin's heart pounded as he and a group of others searched the main floor. When their radios crackled to life, they halted.

_ "You're all too late." _It was the chilling voice of William Lewis, no doubt.

They each stood with their guns in their hands, frozen. Fin's chest hurt when he heard the shaking voice of Olivia.

_"It's ok." _

Quietly, he looked around. They had to be upstairs, but where? There were dozens of staircases - more than that. Each one lead to another unstable, degraded, decaying area of the building. It was unsafe wherever they stepped.

He began to move again, motioning for the others to follow. He would find Olivia if it was the last thing he did.

* * *

Olivia lifted her chin when he pulled her backwards. She made her decision then.

_Fight until you're dead. _

And fight she would. It wasn't over yet. Lewis then pushed her to walk forward. He was shielded completely by her as they neared the top of the stairs. Nick and Amanda back pedaled, feeling every step was one closer to the end of it all.

"All the way back." Lewis hid himself behind her expertly. There was no shot they could take that wouldn't put Olivia in more danger than she already was.

Nick felt the stairs behind him. They were forced to take the first step down as Olivia came toward them, the blade to her neck. Nick knew they had to shoot soon.

Back one step, two steps, three. The sixth and seventh stopped them. The man and his hostage stood above them. Lewis smiled for only a minute and then prepared to do it. As the blade was close to beginning its deadly run, Olivia got the fire back in her eyes. She gritted her teeth as she prepared to do what she had to.

Amanda saw the flame come back into her face. Nick shifted his feet as his finger tightened on the trigger.

Olivia brought her foot out and kicked her heel back into Lewis' bad leg. His hand moved just enough. The knife was mere inches from her jugular as she slipped from his grip.

Nick and Amanda stopped breathing. They could see nothing after Olivia and Lewis disappeared from view. Their legs moved quickly to get up the stairs. Even so, it seemed like they were getting nowhere.

Olivia dropped backward with him as the knife almost fell from his hands. It didn't take long for him to react, but Olivia knew what she was doing. Out of the corner of her eye, when he'd been leading her to push her two teammates down the stairs, she'd seen the gun on the floor. It was still lying there from when their earlier struggle had unfolded. Had Lewis not picked it up?

She went for the weapon immediately, grabbing it, turning her back to Lewis for only a moment. In that moment, Nick and Amanda returned from the stairs, finding Lewis running at Olivia. They couldn't hardly see Olivia in the light, and they couldn't fire without being able to see her clear of the shot. Nick knew it was a risk he had to take. He had to save Olivia before she gave her life to kill Lewis.

He pulled the trigger only once, his stomach dropping when he saw Olivia's face as Lewis hit her. It was one twisted in pain, one of terrible realization. They both fell down, Lewis almost unmoving.

As he lay atop her, he used the last of his life to smile. "I'll see you there." He gasped with a deathly smile.

She, despite the pain, managed to speak back. "You're going to hell, Lewis. You won't ever - see me again."

Olivia could hear the footsteps of her colleagues on the concrete floor. She watched the evil light go out of Lewis' eyes as he died on top of her, his heart on top of hers, his last breaths taken just above her lungs. The words of Nick and Amanda hardly made it to her ears. She wasn't listening. She didn't care to hear.

Nick holstered his gun as he ran toward Olivia. Amanda did the same, fearing the worst. She was so mad that she actually yelled in the tense moment.

"Why did you shoot? You might have hit her!" She made her frustration and terror known.

Nick fired back. "He was going to kill her. I wasn't going to just stand there!"

They slid to their knees next to the two bodies.

"Oh god." Amanda forgot about the anger when she found them both unmoving.

They pushed Lewis off of Olivia, and he rolled awkwardly, already dead. No relief came from that. Nick turned his gaze to Olivia, whose eyes were closed.

"No." He whispered, the lump restricting any breath from going in or out of his throat. Her chest was rising and falling slowly. Blood seeped through her tan sweater just to the left side of her ribs.

He had hit her. He'd shot his own partner. Had he really saved her life? Or had he killed her? His mind raced as he looked up at Amanda. Her eyes were wide as she fought the tears. Olivia's eyes opened when the young blonde detective took her hand.

"Olivia!" Nick stood up and took off his jacket, laying it down upon the wound.

Olivia met his eyes. "It's alright." She managed.

Her head tipped to the side to find a dead Lewis on the floor of the dim room. Her heart ceased its racing. She had done what she came to do. Lewis was not going to hurt anyone ever again. The battle had finally ended. He was dead. He was gone. William Lewis, the indestructible beast of a criminal, had finally fallen to the hand of fate.

_Before I die alone, let me have vengeance. Before I die alone, I will have vengeance. _

The words in her head actually brought a peaceful smile to her face, puzzling to the panicked Nick and Amanda. Olivia looked up at Amanda, who held her hand still as Nick hoisted her into his lap and held her there tenderly, his jacket keeping pressure on the bleeding wound.

"It's ok." She repeated again.

Amanda couldn't see. The tears stripped her eyes of their ability to create a sharp image of what she saw. Nick felt his own doing the same thing. Olivia was saying goodbye. Olivia was ready. Well he wasn't. Amanda looked at Nick, total fear taking over. The calm that radiated from the woman on the floor only made their terror greater.

"Liv. Liv listen to me. You have to stay with us. Just keep squeezing my hand." Amanda was the only one who could form words.

They were rushed and shaky, but Olivia was grateful for them. She squeezed Amanda's hand weakly as Nick smoothed her hair from her face. She looked up at him. He was crying. Suddenly she needed to live. She had to pull through for the people she was not ready to leave.

Nick watched her face, seeing her give him a small smile. Amanda used her free hand to pick up Nick's radio that had fallen to the floor.

"We need EMS upstairs. Hurry! Officer down!" They all three were very aware of the scale of the place, the unknown that surrounded the area in which they sat. They would have to wait.


	11. Chapter 11

Amanda held Olivia's with both of hers while Nick kept his hand on the mortal wound. Olivia could feel every needle of pain sent through her, but she was ok. She was in the hands of the people who she cared about most. When she looked at Nick's face, she saw him ready to speak.

"Liv - I didn't mean to - I had to shoot." They were rushed words, words of panic. Olivia swallowed hard as she realized what he was saying.

"I'm sorry." He finished. Then he had said it. He had told her.

The calm in her face startled him again. She shook her head, desperate to let him know that he hadn't injured her. "You didn't."

Amanda glanced away from Olivia, looking across to Nick. They were losing her. Nick furrowed his brow in what should have been relief. He hadn't shot her? In the darkness of the room, he couldn't seen the exact nature of the injury she'd sustained.

"The knife." Olivia moved her hand in Amanda's, pulling them both down to the floor near her waist. She had felt the pain when Lewis had hit her, the knife still in his hand. He'd driven it into her ribs twice before removing it and dropping it as they fell. Amanda didn't touch the weapon that she now saw. Nick wasn't any bit relieved. They were still running out of time. The stab wounds were so deep, and now they knew that there was not one, but two.

The time was going by at a rate that they couldn't stand. They had to move.

"We can't wait up here." Nick moved gently as Olivia lay in his lap. She understood what that meant.

"I'll carry you down the stairs on my back. Then we can both help." The words were coming from somewhere far away from Olivia.

* * *

Donald Cragen sat down after brunch with Eileen and turned on the TV in their large room. As he watched a morning show, he grabbed his phone. He had heard nothing. He didn't know. The NYPD website opened quickly and Cragen immediately noticed the red bar at the bottom of the page. He squinted his eyes to read it.

Eileen looked over at him, very aware of what he was looking for. She said nothing.

Cragen's heart stopped._ "Precincts in the Brooklyn area be advised. Backup requested at the Red Hook Granary." _

That could have been anything, but the former captain knew. He stared at the message for some time, and then he clicked on the news tab on his homepage. A breaking news story was nothing new to New York, but of the newest posts on the page, there was one that confirmed his fears.

_ "Breaking News: Police Search Red Hook Grain Terminal for missing Manhattan SVU Sergeant." _

Cragen felt cold all over. Olivia was with him: Lewis. That horrible man never lost. The older man wanted to cry, and he did - if only a little. Lewis had had too many chances to get at Olivia. The justice system Cragen had spent so many years upholding had failed when he had needed it to succeed most.

Eileen leaned forward, catching the tear rolling down his cheek. She reached over and grabbed his hand.

"Don. What is it?" Her voice was soft and gentle.

He didn't look at her as he replied. "He has her."

* * *

Brian felt his mind slipping out of the world he was in. The sun was coming up, lighting the horizon. That didn't make any difference to the darkness he held inside. He had heard the confrontation. He knew what might have happened. From the sound of Olivia's voice, she was hurt. She was hurt badly.

The radio went to static when the other receiver died, but it crackled to life again minutes later. Those moments of waiting were agony for Brian. What would he hear when they radioed back? And then they did.

_"We need EMS upstairs. Hurry! Officer down." _

It was the sound of Amanda's voice that came across the line. Brian's legs moved by themselves. He threw open the car door and sprinted toward the barricades put in place. There was a news crew already there, more on their way, no doubt. How had they known so fast?

"Sir, we can't let you in there." An officer stopped him by putting a hand in his shoulder.

"I have to. I know her - I - I know her." The last words trailed off into the silence of the morning. That silence was interrupted by the blades of a helicopter beating the air above them.

"They've got her. She'll be coming down soon." The young man assured Cassidy tenderly. There was no annoyance in his voice at all.

The barricades were one hundred or so yards from the back entrance of the building. Brian saw EMS parked inside the boundaries. They were ready for when Olivia came down.

* * *

Emily was closing her eyes, squeezing them shut as tightly as she could. The sounds unnerved her. There were so many. It sounded like a whole bunch of tires on the gravel road beyond the piles of equipment and concrete. She couldn't move. She was fearing it was Lewis. There were no sirens, so there were no police.

Emily opened her eyes to look at the badge in her hands. Her small fingers smoothed the edges of its gold surface. Olivia had told her to be brave, and she was trying to. She had to wait. She would wait until Olivia came to get her.

* * *

Fin and his men found staircase after staircase, going up and finding nothing. The building was too large. If Olivia was seriously injured, EMS would have little chance of making it to her before it was too late. Frustrated, he picked up his radio.

"Nick, Amanda, you're going to have to get her down here yourselves. We can't find you guys." He spoke rapidly.

The radios of everyone, those outside the barricade and those inside the building, came to life. The press, two cameramen and a news reporter, stood close enough to hear the frantic call. Brian reached out to grab one of the barricade's top wooden edge. He felt it was the only thing he could do to keep from collapsing.

"Please. I'm Detective Cassidy. I work IAB. I need to be in there." His badge was still on him, and he showed it to the officer.

The man contemplated. "IAB?" He questioned.

"Sergeant Benson - " Brian could get nothing else out. He didn't know how to say to the officer he loved her, that he had to make sure she was ok. He had to be in there.

"Brian Cassidy? Detective, how did you not know your girlfriend was missing?" The reporter had noticed him and approached.

Brian didn't turn around. His eyes silently begged the officer.

"What will you do if she doesn't come out alive?" The question hit him hard.

The begging in his eyes got stronger, and the officer nodded, unwilling to give the press what they wanted. "Come on."

* * *

Olivia cried out in pain when Amanda and Nick hoisted her to her feet for only a moment. Nick let her collapse on his back, leaning over a great deal so that she would stay stable enough for him to carry. Olivia let her cheek rest on the back of his shoulder as she tried to keep herself from yelling. She kept her arms around his neck loosely as they began to walk toward the stairs.

The building now had light in it as the morning came. Nick had reached the first step when their radio buzzed again. It was Fin's voice telling them that they didn't have time to search. They couldn't find them. Amanda radioed back as she descended on the stairs right behind Nick and Olivia.

"We're on our way, Fin." She replied simply.

Olivia was limp on Nick's back, but the dead weight was nothing compared to the weight of uncertainty he carried. He didn't know if they'd make it out in time. He didn't know how badly she was hurt. He wasn't sure how real a possibility it was that she wouldn't make it.

They took the corner and found another set of stairs. Olivia breathed slowly against Nick. Her energy was still reserved. She choked out a sudden question. Nick heard the whisper in his ear.

"How did you know?" She asked quietly.

Nick took a deep breath as he took the stairs in stride. "Brian called when he found your note." He replied just as soft.

Amanda, behind them, heard nothing but the crackling of the radio as Fin spoke again.

_"EMS is waiting on the west side. All routes from here to Bellevue are clear." _

Amanda nodded as she and Nick hit the ground floor.

"Ok Liv. We're both going to help you. Here." Nick stopped and gently lowered so the her feet were on the ground. Amanda put one of Olivia's arms over her shoulder and supported her.

Olivia squeezed her eyes shut as another pain bubble exploded within her. The shock waves went all the way from her toes to her neck. She was steadied by Amanda, standing up. Olivia put a hand to the bloodstain on her sweater. The blot of red around it just kept growing.

"We have to go. Come on, Liv. You're going to be ok." Nick prompted her to take her hand from the wound. Olivia didn't say anything.

Her other arm went over Nick's shoulder. Amanda was pained by the terrible grimace Olivia's face made, but they had no choice other than to keep going. With both of their support, Olivia moved her legs to walk with them. It hurt. Oh god it hurt.

"We're almost there. Hang in there, Liv." Nick said, the fear in his own throat changing his voice.

The doorway she'd come through what seemed like a lifetime before was the one they walked toward. The exit was lit with the faded light of morning. As they stepped out, the sharp bay air hit Olivia with great force.

"The girl - my car is parked in the junk yard." She had to tell them now. She remembered then. "Emily. She's there."

Nick nodded. They had all known that Lewis had used a child to force her hand. It had worked. "We'll find her, Liv."

* * *

As Brian moved toward a group of squad cars, still a good distance from the building, the crowd behind them got loud. Now, at least six news stations had cameras and anchors out, reporting live. Even a handful of civilians gathered, despite the fact that the police manning the barricades attempted to get them all out of the area. They knew that the suspect was down, but they also knew that the fight wasn't over.

When he heard the yells, Brian turned toward EMS. Time slowed as he caught sight of Nick, an arm of tan settled around his shoulder. On the other side, Amanda's body moved the same way Nick's did. Brian glanced to the middle. It was Olivia. From the distance he was away, he couldn't make out exactly what kind of injuries she had sustained, but it was clear that she was having trouble walking. His world shattered when the crimson of the blood on her sweater met his gaze.

EMS jumped into action, already running toward them with a stretcher. Brian began his run toward her, but hit two strong officers.

"You can't -" one began as they held him back. They had seen too. They knew how bad it was, and both refused to let Brian through to see the measures the paramedics would take to save her life.

Brian struggled against the two, now held back by two others. "Please - I have to!" He gritted his teeth as the tears of fear, relief, and uncertainty began to fall from his eyes. Olivia didn't move her own feet. She collapsed before EMS got to them.

"She's going to be ok." One of the officers offered Brian the littlest of reassurances. He stopped his struggled and dropped to his knees as the doors of the ambulance shut.

Nick and Amanda were very aware at the weakening of her body that they now carried alone. Olivia was not capable of walking. Her feet took steps every once and a while, but for the most part, her feet dragged in the rocks of the road.

"Help!" Amanda's voice was strangled as Olivia began to lose consciousness.

The darkness was fuzzy around the edges of Olivia's vision. That realm was taking her back. Her body couldn't hold itself. She found it hard to breathe, and with one movement of her body, she felt panic sinking in. She was going to suffocate.

As the four paramedics approached them, Olivia slipped into darkness. Amanda and Nick felt their fears mount as they, with the help of the doctors, laid Olivia down on the stretcher. They strapped her in before moving back toward the ambulance. Nick and Amanda broke into a run with them.

"Route to Bellevue is clear. Go!" Nick and Amanda already knew that they could not go with. Four paramedics was enough. They'd do everything they could for her.

The team have to wait at the hospital, praying that Olivia didn't breathe her last on the way there. Nick turned from the ambulance after they both caught the last glimpse of the paramedics slipping an oxygen mask over Olivia's face.

Amanda took out her radio and spoke. "We need backup in the West gravel yard. Missing girl is in Sergeant Benson's car."

When Amanda turned, she found Brian on his knees still a ways away, his face stern and unfeeling. Amanda broke into a jog, reaching him before Nick even blinked. She took him by the arm and helped him stand.

"She's going to be ok, Brian."

He didn't believe her.

Nick hadn't moved. He was unable to. Olivia had done what she came to do. She had ended it knowing it would end her too. But Nick wasn't ready to say goodbye. None of them were.


	12. Chapter 12

The sirens of the ambulance disappeared as Amanda held Brian's trembling arm. Nick was rooted to the spot, his gaze settling on the crowd that had gathered on the opposite sides of the barricades.

"Brian. Brian, go to the hospital. We will meet you there." Amanda let go of him after giving her firm instructions. He didn't have to be there any longer. It was too terrible a place.

His eyes seemed glazed over. He was not in the same reality that they were.

"Nick! Come on!" Amanda broke into a run again after finding Fin and his group of officers exiting the building and running toward them. They met where Nick still stood.

"Liv said the little girl Lewis was holding hostage is in her car – just over by the junkyard." She said. Her voice was fast because she wasn't sure she had enough oxygen to speak slowly.

Nick snapped his brain back into detective mode, but didn't forget what was happening in that ambulance. Olivia had to be ok. She had to. There was nothing he could do.

"Let's go." Fin nodded, the large group headed through the barricades as the press filmed the entire thing.

They made it over to where the old equipment sat rusting idly. Everyone had to stop to look over the area.

"I don't see the car." Nick was still panicking.

Fin led them down into the pit, hoping to find Olivia's car. The three that knew Olivia best could not feel their legs as they jogged along. Their minds were going at 110 miles per hour, trying to rationalize what had happened – what was still happening. Lewis had grabbed a chance, an unfair chance, to get back at Olivia one last time. Life gave him too many of those chances. He'd ripped into Olivia's life and taken it by force. He continued to change it long after he'd gone to prison, and now after his death, he would haunt her forever. Life had never seemed so unfair.

* * *

Brian stumbled to the first squad car he saw.

"Detective Cassidy!" There were so many voices hurling questions and accusations at him. He heard them all, but reacted outwardly to none.

"Is William Lewis dead?" One raised his eyebrow as he asked.

"How long did it take for you to come to your senses?" Another accused.

Each one cut him deeper than the last. He opened the door of the vehicle and took one last look at the abandoned granary. Its darkness reached into his soul and broke a piece off. Olivia had gone in to die. She knew what she was fighting for when she'd left the note in his sights.

Brian's heart slowed itself in his chest as he shut the outside world out with a slam of the door. He started the engine and turned the sirens and lights on to full power. He wished to give the people each a taste of the painful blasts they had offered just by their unknowing presence. They'd showed up because of the action, because of an interesting story. He'd showed up because the one he loved had come to die to save another.

The tires spun in the dirt before grabbing traction and taking him back toward Manhattan.

* * *

Amanda rounded the first pile of concrete slabs to find the vehicle they were searching for. Olivia's car appeared to be silent, no movement within. Nick and Fin both saw it a moment after she had. They turned and ran toward it.

Nick put his hands on the window, peering into the back window. He didn't think his heart could hurt any more. He was wrong. There, staring back at him, were two soft brown eyes. A little girl was huddled on the floor in the opposite end from him. Quickly, he grabbed the handle, nodding softly to Amanda and Fin. He crouched down with his hands up.

Emily shrunk back a little bit until she saw the badge on his vest. Her body trembled visibly. The man looking at her was not Olivia.

"It's ok. I'm Nick. I'm a policeman. Everything's ok now." Nick spoke quietly and gently to her.

Emily remembered what Olivia had said.

_"Give the badge to the police. They'll know what it means."_

She brought her hands away from her chest as they hugged the badge to her heart. She moved forward on the floor of the car until she reached her hand to Nick. He held out his own, puzzled as she extended hers to him. She dropped an object into it, looking down shakily.

Amanda glanced up at Fin in the silence. It seemed like every other sound in the air was muted completely. For but a minute, their thoughts were taken from Olivia to the little girl.

"Where is Olivia?" Emily's voice shook as Nick realized with a chill what she'd placed in his hands.

It was Olivia's badge, the last sign of her authority. Shivers went through him when he ran his fingers over the wings of the eagle on the top of the gold badge. He then swept his thumb over the numbers that belonged to her. 01139. He reached back and handed it to Fin, who felt the same way Nick had.

"She's going to the hospital, Honey." Amanda spoke down to her. "What's your name?"

Emily felt her shoulders shaking. It didn't feel like it was over. Wasn't Olivia going to come get her?

"Emily." She replied almost inaudibly.

Nick extended a hand to her. "You're safe now, Emily. Let's go see your parents."

She refused to take his hand, harboring another thing she had to know. "Do you know Olivia?" Her little voice begged for assurance.

Nick swallowed painfully. "She's my best friend. I know her very well." It hurt for him to say that. It hurt more than anyone knew, anyone except Amanda and Fin.

Emily was still unsure. She wanted Olivia to come back, to keep her safe from that horrible man.

"Maybe we can go see her later." Nick finished, his hand still out. He hoped they could.

Emily nodded slowly, finally grabbing it. She was only five years old. Lewis had already altered the trajectory of her life.

Nick picked her up, holding her against his shoulder. "Let's go."

* * *

The three paramedics in the back of the ambulance worked in sync as they tried to save the precious life on the gurney. She had lost so much blood. Her heart had already slowed down. Her shirt was lifted, the two stab wounds patched tightly. There was blood streaked on her olive skin, smeared around where they tried to get the bleeding to stop.

Given with great care and precision, the IV began pumping the fluids she needed to keep her blood pressure from plummeting to deadly levels. Her eyes remained closed, her mind unaware of the pain her body was in. It was a blessing that she hadn't been feeling it all. The oxygen mask on her face became a lifeline as it became clear to them what was happening.

"Her lung is collapsing. Get me a needle and tube!" The oldest one moved to where the lung was letting air into Olivia's chest.

He had to make sure she made it to the hospital. He knew who she was. They had read the stories in the papers, heard the reporters on the news. Sergeant Olivia Benson was the woman who had brought heroism back into the NYPD. She was a woman who had to be saved.

"Step on it!" Another yelled at the driver in front. As they raced through the empty Brooklyn-Battery tunnel, the speedometer pushed 80 mph.

* * *

Emily held Nick as he carried her. She closed her eyes in the light of early morning, against the sirens she heard and the lights that flashed. The helicopter blades still chopped the air as news crews got an aerial view of the panic unfolding. Nick held Emily's head with his hand, not willing to let the press paste her face all over the news.

"Fin. You drive. I'll sit in the back." Nick turned around to his other two teammates when they reached a squad car behind the barricades.

The crowd had multiplied in just a mere fifteen minutes. Amanda opened the door for Nick to set Emily down. He gave the two others a look of fear and horror as he climbed in and shut the door. Fin opened the drivers-side door while Amanda jumped into the passenger seat. The press didn't have a chance to catch even a glimpse as they sped away.

While Amanda gripped the handle above the window tightly, she took out her radio.

"Code four. Suspect is dead. Second floor. We have the little girl. We're on our way to Bellevue." She wasn't going to stick around to haul away Lewis' shell. She never wanted to see his scarred face again.

They'd hear it for taking Emily to the hospital themselves, but none of the detectives were willing to let the traumatized little girl go into the hands of yet another unknown person.

Fin was pounded with so many emotions he thought he would pass out: the relief that Lewis' oppressive reign over the city was over, the terror of Olivia's unknown fate, the anger of the senseless horrors Emily had had to see. It all hit him like a speeding freight train. Amanda could see it all on his face. She pushed the lump from her throat to try and assure him.

"She's going to be ok." Even as the syllables came out, Amanda wasn't sure she could believe they were true.

Fin silently told her that he wasn't sure either. He held out his hand and placed in Amanda's the badge that belonged to Olivia. Another round of unbearable emotions hit Amanda hard as her thumb felt the contours of the badge she'd seen Olivia wearing less than a day before.

Nick, in the back, buckled Emily in and sat staring out the window, drawn back into the images of Olivia's broken body. He wasn't sure what he'd do if Olivia didn't make it. What he was sure of is that he'd hand in his badge. He wouldn't be able to carry on in the NYPD after holding the badge of his sergeant in his hands while she died.

She couldn't leave them. He had seen it in her eyes that she was ready to say goodbye, but _he_ wasn't. And in the time they'd been waiting for EMS upstairs, he had seen that peace leave her. She changed her mind about letting go.

* * *

Cragen was refreshing the news page almost every fifteen seconds. He wasn't capable of calmly sitting. His feet kept him pacing across the floor of the room they were in. Daylight streamed in the window, but the beauty of the outside ocean didn't reach him.

Eileen had done everything she could to keep him as calm as possible, but she too was anxious. She knew Olivia. She cared about Olivia a great deal.

Cragen's heart stopped every time a new headline popped up.

_"Sergeant Olivia Benson NYPD – Assailant Held Her in Abandoned Granary." _

_"Entire NYPD Joins Search for Sergeant Benson." _

His breath caught dangerously when he refreshed the page and read the newest headline, complete with a picture taken from the air.

_"NYPD Hero Sergeant Olivia Benson – Her Final Hours?" _

Despite his reservations, he clicked to enlarge the picture. The abandoned terminal was surrounded by NYPD vehicles, EMS, and SWAT. He saw the crowd on the road. When his eyes caught a glimpse of the lone ambulance within the barricaded area, he wished he hadn't opened the picture at all. It was clear that two officers were assisting a third person toward the paramedics. The one on the right was blonde, the one on the left dark-haired. And the one in the middle – it was her. The pain in his chest was very real.

"I have to get back." He spoke out loud.

Eileen stood up from where she sat uneasily on the bed. The fear in his eyes scared her. She nodded immediately, feeling the same.

"We'll be in Spain this afternoon. I'll book the first flight out." She gave his arm a shaky squeeze and then left him alone with his thoughts as she grabbed her laptop and headed for a commons area.

The image was imprinted in his brain. Though it was far enough off to shield the blood on Olivia's shirt, Cragen was still haunted by it. He would forever be haunted by every element in the picture. The only thing he could do was hope that he'd get home in time.


	13. Chapter 13

They'd done everything they could. They inserted the tube into her already battered ribs to release the pressure building from the lung that had partially collapsed. The only thing yet to fail was her steady breaths. The beeping on the monitor brought the paramedics the alarm that the breathing _was_ failing. Without saying anything, one of the younger men handed the eldest one the instrument he would need. It was time for them to breathe for her. Olivia's life depended on them, each and every one.

The ambulances bumps and jerks made those in the back very aware of how fast they were going. The monitor continued beating. Her heartbeat was speeding up rapidly, her blood pressure spiking to unsafe levels. It was a battle.

"How far out are we?!" The one pumping the air in and out of Olivia's only good lung felt his brow bead with sweat.

The driver didn't turn around, but continued going along the cleared roads.

"Five minutes." He replied quickly, feeling the same kind of anxious frustration they all did.

"We can't wait that long!"

* * *

Brian stepped on the gas harder as he followed the trail of the ambulance. He knew they were ahead of him, but he didn't know what was happening. The worst part of not knowing was the fact that it was left to his imagination to think about what was going on within that vehicle. He had seen Olivia bleeding. He had seen her collapse - again.

So many nights he'd awakened to the sound of frantic noises of panic, finding her sitting up in bed in a terrified sweat. Those were the nights he both loved and hated the most. He hated the fact that Lewis' face plagued her dreams. He hated the feeling of her trembling body in his arms. But as he would hold her, as they both fell asleep together, Brian found himself remembering the unchanged reality that she was still alive. She was still with him.

The buildings of the city raced by the windows as he sped into Manhattan. Every once in a while, a squad car would fly past the window as the officers blocked all roads onto the one the ambulance needed.

Brian himself was about to collapse from exhaustion. It was just too much.

* * *

"Emily, Honey, we need to find your parents. You think you can help us by telling us what happened?" Amanda turned around in her seat, still clutching Olivia's badge. It seemed foolish, but Amanda felt Olivia was in need of it back, that she would be waiting for it to be returned the moment they arrived at the hospital.

Emily nodded.

"When did the man take you?" Amanda was gentle with her first question.

Emily's lip began to quiver. "At school." She replied quietly.

"When you were outside?" She nodded in reply to Nick's question.

Amanda glanced at Nick. They needed just one question more to be absolutely certain they knew who the girl was. "

What school do you go to?" Amanda asked.

"Park Terrace."

It was then that it was clear. Emily Haitcamp had been reported missing, an amber alert out for her after classmates had witnessed her approaching a strange man and then disappearing into his vehicle. Not one person had suspected Lewis as the culprit. By the time the girl was reported missing, everyone in the squad had tried to convince themselves that Lewis had long since left the city. A different precinct had been working the investigation, finding nothing to to on.

"I'm going to make sure your parents meet us at the hospital, ok?" Amanda was the only one with the ability to speak. Nick found himself back in the upstairs room as he looked into Olivia's darkened eyes. When would he know if she was ok?

"SVU portable to central - I need detectives to get Greg and Lacy Haitcamp to Bellevue. We found Emily, and we're just going to get her checked out."

Emily's heart pumped really fast in her little chest. The hospital was a scary place. "I don't want to get a checkup." She sounded her fears immediately, bringing Nick back.

"It will be over before you know it. We just have to see if you got hurt." He nodded at her.

She still held uneasiness in her features.

"Your mom and dad will be there." He tried again.

Emily relaxed. That was all she needed to hear.

* * *

Police presence only increased as the sun rose just above the horizon into a clouded sky. The rain hadn't started, but it looked like the sky would be ripped open by the moisture at any moment. Lights bounced off the damp walls of the granary as the medical examiner was led up to the place where Lewis had finally been found. CSU arrived soon after, parking inside the barricades that now held out a hundred people, maybe more. The massive building and unfolding breaking news story brought people out, even at 6:00 A.M. on a dim morning.

Lewis' body was lifted onto a gurney and carried away from the place he had died. Workers went about their business as they did every day. The bloody knife, dripping with Olivia's DNA, was photographed and then bagged. The work was far from over.

* * *

The ambulance pulled into the emergency entrance at Bellevue two minutes after Olivia stopped breathing on her own. Her eyes remained closed in unconsciousness as the paramedics unloaded her limp body from the ambulance. The smallest paramedic perched himself upon the gurney to keep the oxygen going into her lungs. The doors opened to the emergency room, immediately finding three nurses and another doctor running toward them and helping push the stretcher back into the surgery preparation room.

"Collapsed left lung, two stab wounds. Stopped breathing just a few minutes ago." The men filled the doctors and nurses in.

"Get her prepped for surgery!" A woman yelled.

She stopped when the stretcher stopped, lifting with the others and moving Olivia to a firm bed. One of the nurses took over ventilating Olivia as the anesthesiologist administered the drug through the IV into her veins. The paramedics left, their part of the job finished.

It was coming to a close. It was time to give everything they had to saving another life. They couldn't know how important that life was, how important it was that they save it.

* * *

Brian slammed on his brakes in a parking spot near the emergency entrance to the hospital. He jumped out of the vehicle and quickly made his way into the busy room. As he stood just inside the doors, the room began to spin. He didn't know why he'd run all the way in. He didn't know why he'd sped to wait agonizingly in the waiting room. Even then as he stood in the same building as Olivia was in, he knew no more than he had before. His presence wouldn't save her.

Brian snapped out of the vacuum he was in when a woman's hand touched his arm.

"Sir." She said it too quietly the first time. "Sir." She repeated.

He tried to form words, but all that came out was her name. "Olivia Benson - Sergeant Olivia Benson -" he couldn't even finish the sentence with the panting he did. Every fiber in him was tired, nervous, anxious.

"She's headed to surgery. Please, you should sit." Her face was concerned for him. He seemed distant and terribly distressed.

Brian didn't sit down, but instead stood by the chair she led him to.

"I will let you know when I know anything more." She assured him.

He collapsed into the chair as she walked away from him.

* * *

Amanda got the confirmation call that both Greg and Lacy Haitcamp were awaiting their arrival at Bellevue's emergency room. They were only a mile or so out from the building when Emily spoke up.

She'd been sitting quietly, trying to understand what was going on. She was so tired and so, so scared. What had the man done to Olivia? What would her parents say when she saw them again? Her voice was crackling as she spoke.

"Can I hold it?" She looked pleadingly up at Amanda, who still held Olivia's badge in her palm.

Amanda felt her heart throb again, even more so than it was. She nodded, knowing immediately what Emily meant. "Absolutely."

The little girl extended her arm as she leaned forward, the cuff marks still visible on her wrists. It made Nick so angry. At the same time it broke his heart.

Amanda dropped Olivia's badge in the small hands and watched as Emily leaned back, holding it tenderly. "I should have left it with her."

Emily felt that Olivia needed the badge more than she did. Even the five-year-old rationalized with her regrets. Everyone else knew how that felt. Wishing they could have gotten there sooner, wishing they had never let Olivia out of their sights - it all played over and over again in their minds. Nick felt the lump in his throat return. He wanted to ask her how she'd come to have it, but even if he would have been able to ask, he knew he probably wouldn't have been able to handle the answer.

Amanda asked when she saw Nick could not. "Did she give it to you, Sweetie?"

Fin listened intently, but could barely hear anything outside of the yelling his brain did. His foot needed to push down faster. His knuckled gripped the steering wheel until they were deathly white.

Emily's nod was followed by a quiet reply. "To be brave when I ran."

The words sent images into the minds of the three others who heard them. That's how it had gone. Amanda had to know, but she didn't have to ask. Emily recalled it for them.

"She hit him –" her eyes began to grow wider as she went back to that room. "And she told me to run."

She paused one last time. "And I ran fast – like she said."

Then the little girl fell silent. The other three did as well.

The entrance to Bellevue Emergency was easy for Fin to navigate, even with his hand's tremors. He hardly parked legally, not caring as he shut the car off and jumped out.

"We're going to go see your parents and then talk to the doctor, ok?" Nick unbuckled her, able to move his tongue again.

Fin was the first through the door as Nick carried Emily and Amanda trailed behind. He was the first to see Brian's panicked eyes. Amanda stopped with Fin as she saw an expression on Brian's face she'd never seen before. They both let Nick take the little girl to a nurse, who then led them through the doors to the room where the Haitcamps were standing in wait.

Fin put a hand on Brian's shoulder. Neither knew what to say. Assurances were futile, almost useless. All they could do was wait. Only one person could help Brian in the pain he felt, and once Fin saw Amanda, biting her fingernail, sat down next to Brian, he took out his phone and texted that one person.

* * *

Munch slept into the early hours of the morning. He had no idea what was going on in the city as he rested. When he opened his eyes at 6:57 and laid in bed idly, the sound of his phone beeping startled him. With a slow movement of his arms, he grabbed the device off the sidetable. The text was from Fin.

It didn't take any longer for him to sit up than for his blood to freeze. He had known about Lewis' escape, and as Munch opened the message, he already knew what was happening.

_"Bellevue Emergency. Hurry." _

Olivia: one of his best friends had no doubt been beaten down by the unfair hand of life again.

_No_, he corrected himself. Beaten down by a man who had unfairly been granted life.

A surge of nauseas horror enveloped him as he stood up on his shaky legs. Already he was mad, but still terrified of what waited for him at the hospital. How much had Lewis taken this time?

Not ten minutes passed between the time he read the message and the minute Munch was on the road. He had to get there. It was always bad if he was left with questions, and he was left with so many. Munch did what Fin told him to. He sped through Manhattan like he'd never sped before.


	14. Chapter 14

It was hours of only agony as Cragen held his phone shaking in his hands. He sat inside, trying to make his fingers type the number, the one number he needed to be connected to New York. His heart wanted to know, but his brain couldn't bring movement to his immobile fingers. The moment he heard a panicked voice on the other end, that of Nick's, it would become real. Everything would come down in a painful reality that it really was happening.

Every minute that passed, Cragen felt himself getting farther and farther from the place he needed to be. Eileen saw him when she tried to get him to eat something. She felt his lack of presence around her. He was somewhere else.

The ship docked in Spain at 1:30 that afternoon, announcing its arrival loudly with a burst of noise. Cragen had already packed his things as Eileen had. They couldn't take it all, but they took what they needed. They were the first at the doors of the exit ramp to get back on solid ground.

"Our flight leaves at 3:00." She whispered in his ear calmly.

The doors opened, letting them out to where they eventually walked into the bright day. Eileen took his arm and led him away from the group immediately. She hailed a cab at the first busy street they came across. Only five minutes after docking, they were close to arriving at the airport.

* * *

Nick carried the little girl quickly, but smoothly. He felt the cool object in her hand against his back - Olivia's badge. The nurse led them back through various hallways, weaving until they were out of the emergency wing. Then she opened a door for them.

"Are her parents here?" Nick asked quietly, holding Emily's head with his hand comfortingly.

The woman nodded. "I'll have them brought in. A nurse will check if she's ok and then CSU will be in for evidence collection."

She disappeared out the door as Nick set Emily gently down on the table in the room. Emily breathed fast, holding the badge in her right hand so hard her fingers turned a ghastly white.

"When your mom and dad get here, you think you can tell me everything that happened?" Nick asked her.

He didn't want to ask her. He wished she didn't have to relive everything that she'd gone through, everything she'd seen. Yet, in order to know, he had to ask. Emily swallowed. She nodded as she felt Olivia's presence on the badge.

_Be brave._

The door opened again and Emily's eyes lit up.

"Mommy!" She reached her arms out as her mother and father entered the room looking disheveled, but relieved. Nick stepped back as they reunited.

"Oh Emily, baby, we were so worried about you." Lacy cried as she hugged her daughter.

"I'm so sorry, Emily." Greg stroked her cheek as tears ran down his own.

The door opened again, and a nurse came in. "I'm Jade." She introduced herself softly.

"I'm just going to take a look at Emily to see if she's ok. Alright?"

Emily let go of her mother and sat back as the nurse instructed her to. Lacy stepped back with Greg's arm around her. Nick made his move to begin digging up the truth.

"Emily. Did he take you straight to the big building after he left the school?" He sat down at her side.

"Please. Can't this wait." Lacy seemed distraught.

Nick looked up. "Ma'am, it's procedure. It will only take a minute." He replied.

Emily gave a nod to her parents.

"You can wait outside if you'd like." Nick suggested. Lacy looked at Greg, who stood uneasily. She watched him leave before she went to Emily's side, opposite Nick's place.

* * *

Brian was in the waiting room with Fin and Amanda, unable to do anything but breathe unsteadily.

_In and out_, he reminded himself as he took the breaths. His mind was collapsing. He was so tired he was about to fall over. Amanda noticed it. Fin did as well. Both paced nervously in the room. Amanda bit her nail shakily as she crossed her arm over her stomach. Fin bit his lip as they waited for any news.

"Brian. Brian why don't you go lie down." Amanda said as she found his gaze, unseeing.

He snapped back to look at her. "I can't."

His eyes were closing. No matter how fast his mind was going, he was able to sleep out of pure exhaustion.

"Come on." Fin extended a hand to Brian as he slumped against the back of his chair. Brian took it reluctantly and stood up, thankful he wasn't alone.

"Ma'am. Excuse me." Amanda caught a nurse's attention. "Is there anywhere he can lie down?" She finished.

Fin held Brian's arm firmly, helping him to stand. Brian couldn't hear what Amanda was saying. Everything in the world had been sucked into a vacuum of nothingness. The noises were spun and stretched and distorted as they reached his ears. The terror he felt could not outweigh the pure tiredness of his body and mind. He didn't feel his feet moving until they stopped again in a room dimly lit.

"Take a break. We'll come get you if anything happens." Fin patted his shoulder as Brian sat down weakly on the bed in the room. Amanda gave him a reassuring nod before letting him out of her sight and leaving him alone.

* * *

Munch sped all the way to Bellevue Emergency. When he arrived, he couldn't miss seeing the squad car and patrol car in the parking lot. It was becoming real. He parked a short jog from the doors that he was very familiar with, maybe even too familiar with. But all of the other times he'd been there, it hadn't been one of his own that had been injured. It felt different as he ran in through the automatic doors and scanned the place for a face he'd recognize.

Just as his eyes caught the door that went to the back area, the area no one waiting in the room could go, he saw the people he knew. Amanda and Fin, both looking horribly distraught and exhaust-stricken, exited the doorway. Amanda's hand was on the bridge of her nose, seemingly relieving a headache that pounded within her entire body. Fin had both hands in his pockets as his face radiated a look of worry. Munch picked up his feet again, meeting them in the middle of the floor.

"Is she -" he couldn't say it. The way they looked coming out of that door, he couldn't help but assume the worst.

"No." Fin shook his head. "She's in surgery."

Munch put his own hand to his mouth. "How bad?" Like everyone else was thinking, he didn't want to ask, but he had to know.

Amanda breathed deeply. "He stabbed her - twice." It hurt to say it. Maybe if they didn't it would all go away.

Munch couldn't move. He was surprised he was still standing.

"We don't know anything more."

They moved to one of the walls in the room. Munch's heart hurt as it beat in his chest. Olivia was always ok. That couldn't change, could it?

"And Lewis?" He gritted his teeth as he said the vile name.

Fin was proud to hear the words leave Amanda's mouth.

"Dead. Nick shot him down as he went for Liv." She set her jaw. "He'll never hurt her again."

* * *

Eileen and Cragen both were moving quickly. They got to the airport an hour and twenty minutes before their flight was slated to leave. The winding baggage check and security clearance only prolonged the great fear Cragen held in the pit of his stomach. When they had passed security, Eileen and Cragen both sat next to one another at the gate. She reached over slowly and took his hand in hers, only offering a sad smile.

"There's nothing we can do." She whispered. He had to hear those words. He had to know.

"What happens will happen - whether or not you're there." She lowered her voice even more. "None of this is your fault, Don. None of it."

Cragen's ears heard a small epiphany as Eileen's words broke through the barrier he held. It settled his stomach for a long moment as he sat staring into her eyes. He nodded to make sure she knew he'd heard. As hard as it felt, Cragen had to admit she was right. Lewis would have escaped whether or not he had been there. The police, the paramedics, the doctors and nurses had to be doing everything they normally would.

As the flights around them boarded, time seemed so slow down. They'd never get back in the time they wished. Cragen took out his phone, finally drawing up the courage to make the call.

* * *

Nick asked Emily what had happened when Olivia showed up. To his great fear, Emily had heard everything that had happened. She explained how Olivia had screamed after Lewis had left with the blowtorch. She had told him in maybe too great of detail how Olivia had been shaking when Lewis asked her to pick what kind of torture came next.

"He told her she had to pick. But she wouldn't say anything." Emily's voice trembled as she recalled the worst night of her life.

"When he told me to pick, I couldn't." She said.

Lacy held Emily's hand, hearing everything in horrifying detail. She had heard when Emily said she'd asked Olivia why she had come. She had heard when Emily said how Olivia replied with an answer that showed her heroism. She had come to save Emily. And she had succeeded at the cost of everything she had.

Nick tried not to let any of it in as he took the statement objectively. It was impossible. "What happened after that?"

Emily shook, even as her mother comforted her. The nurse continued to check Emily for any bodily injury. "He tied her to a pole and laid her down on a bed."

Nick's throat swelled up, preparing to hear it. It couldn't have happened. But even he had seen evidence of it. He had seen the way her belt wasn't in tact.

"But she stopped moving and he left her there. We waited for a long time for her to wake up." Emily seemed to be removing herself from the situation to avoid self destruction.

"It's ok, Emily." Lacy gave Emily's small hand a reassuring squeeze, prompting her to continue.

"Then, he made her drink stuff. But his phone rang, and he left." Emily remembered the darkness of the room when Olivia had asked her about the pins in her hair.

"Mommy, you helped us. You put pins in my hair."

Nick caught on as Lacy seemed confused. "Did she ask you for a pin?"

Emily nodded again. "She got free and then got me free, but she told me to hold still until she told me to run."

The pause only lasted long enough for Nick's shivering to return. What a heroic thing Olivia had done. She had to live to see what she'd achieved. She was the one who saved the little girl.

"When he came back-" Emily remembered the sounds coming from across the room with a wince. "- she hit him and I ran."

Those were the last words Nick drew out. "Emily. You're so brave."

Emily reached out for Nick's hand and dropped the badge into it. Nick wanted to cry. He couldn't say anything as he got up.

"I'll give it back to her." He managed to tell Emily. "You go home and rest."

* * *

The body lay on the operating table, the monitor blinking in a frenzy. The line that signified the amount of life within her was sporadic. She'd lost so much blood. Her lung was completely collapsed, filling with her source of life - the little amount of precious blood she had left. Her breathing was being done by someone else, filtering oxygen into the other lung that expanded lethargically.

The operation was going slowly as the complications continued to grow larger. Repairing her lung was taking too long. They were wasting time they didn't have. The line on the monitor slowed dramatically. Then, before a minute had passed, it stopped its moving. Her life was gone. The life within her had ceased.

"Paddles - now!" They abandoned their other task and focused on bringing life back into the heart that had stopped its beating.

The blood still streaked on Olivia's pale face. She didn't know she had died. She never would.


	15. Chapter 15

Nick felt it very difficult for his legs to support his weight when he closed the door of the room he had just left. Olivia had gone into that place ready to die. She had done her job to the fullest extent. Nick leaned against the wall in the desolate hallway. He recalled the day he saw her up on that stage as she saluted the commissioner in return for her promotion. She had become Sergeant Benson that day. And she had taken that step up from detective to sergeant, eventually to squad commander. It had been a long hard road, and it wasn't even close to being over.

Nick let himself slide down the wall to the floor where his arms rested easily on his knees, his head against the wall. The job they had, the oath they'd taken - neither had told them what they were in for. When he'd made his decision to become a police officer, never did he foresee becoming part of a tighter family than blood relatives. When he'd met Olivia three years before, he didn't see the horror the future would bring. If he would have, he would have said goodbye way back then. Now he had to stay. He had to make sure she pulled through.

His phone rang at the moment his mind began to see again the images of Olivia's haunting eyes, accepting her fate, and then changing her mind about leaving. His heart dropped even farther than he thought possible when he read the name of his former captain on the screen. It took a long second to build up the courage to answer. But he did.

"Captain." He'd never know the man as anyone else.

* * *

Cragen called when he became able to. Even the ringing of the phone on the other side of the ocean had power enough to startle him. He listened with his eyes closed, waiting for an answer. It came when Nick picked up.

_"Captain." _

It had been so long since Cragen had heard that name. It was something he missed terribly.

"Nick." He tried to settle his voice. "Nick - I know."

The last word of the sentence was the most unstable. There was no doubt Nick was very aware of what Cragen was talking about.

_ "She's at Bellevue - in surgery."_

Nick's knowing reply came back.

_"I shot Lewis, but - I was too late. He stabbed her. Twice. We don't know how she's doing." _

Neither Nick nor Cragen could know that Olivia had died on the operating table just a minute before. They had no idea. Cragen shook as he held the phone. It suddenly became too real.

"We're coming back. Our flight leaves in an hour." He said back, very aware of Eileen's concerned gaze next to him.

Nick paused, obviously not expecting the response he got. Cragen just waited, breathing with Nick on the same line.

_ "We'll be here."_ Nick finally spoke back after a long pause.

Cragen smiled sadly. He knew they would be.

* * *

Brian laid on his side, falling right away into a dark sleep. He had nightmares about the grain terminal, about it all. The first thing he saw was Lewis dragging Olivia from the depths of a storm drain, chaining her to the vent as the water rose. He watched as she sank lower into the dark liquid. She disappeared from the surface with a bone-chilling scream. Brian couldn't even wake up.

Then, for an hour, it was nothing but darkness and peace in his head. But the nightmares returned. Lewis had Olivia on top of an incredible skyscraper. He was pushing her backwards with a gun to her face. The thing that made the dream even worse was the fact that Brian saw the gun in his own hand. He _was _Lewis. He was the one pushing her to the edge of the building. She took a step, looked into his eyes as her begged him. Then she fell over backwards, plummeting to the streets below.

* * *

Nick left the hallway after finishing his conversation with Cragen to find Amanda and Fin standing alongside someone he recognized immediately.

"Munch." He said loudly.

The group turned to him, their faces desperate for answers. Nick shook his head at them.

"Emily's fine. I took her statement. She's going home after CSU is done." He involuntarily glanced down and opened his hand to see the only part of Olivia he had left. Munch saw it as he did, his throat closing.

"Where's Brian?" Nick asked quickly. Had something happened?

"He went to lay down. He was about to fall over." Fin replied dismally.

The helplessness circulating through each and every one of them only increased their discomfort. They felt like they should be doing something. They felt useless standing around, just waiting.

"How did you know?" Nick was out of breath as he asked Munch.

"Fin." He pointed at his former partner.

Then the silence of the noise in the waiting room enveloped them all. No one said anything as they stood in their circle, taking in the sights and sounds of the room. Ambulance transports came in spontaneously, some people in worse shape than others.

"Is Brian alone?" Munch finally found the ability to speak again.

Amanda saw before her eyes replaying images of what they'd seen. Tears came to them as the panic turned to utter fear of the unknown. The emotions came out in a different way as she tried to keep her eyes dry. Fin's hand around her shoulder only made them fall faster.

"Yeah. I can take you." Amanda slipped away from Fin and led Munch back to where Brian was diving into another nightmare.

Munch walked in silence alongside her, and when they arrived in the room, they paused to find Brian sleeping, his chest heaving as he breathed fast. Amanda glanced up at Munch and turned to leave, but he caught her arm gently. He didn't say anything as he brought her into a tight hug. So many words filtered through both their ears and hearts as they embraced.

"We did everything we could." Her voice was muted in his shoulder. "And it wasn't enough." She finished the heart-breaking thought that had been weighing on her.

"It never is." He agreed.

In all his years on the force, he knew better than anyone what that feeling was: the pangs of guilt and anger that came with the actions taken. He understood the frustration of always doing what he could, doing the job to the fullest extent, but still not doing enough.

Munch let go of Amanda. She did the same to him, pausing to wipe her eyes as she looked at him.

"We'll let you know what we hear." She assured him, and then left.

* * *

Nick and Fin stood alone in the waiting room after Amanda and Munch disappeared. It was their chance to get it out.

"I thought she was finally safe." Nick confessed, not even aware he'd moved his mouth.

"Not in this world." Fin replied heavily. "No one ever is."

Then the frustrations in both surfaced. "He had a knife to her throat - I couldn't do anything but watch like a rookie, scared shitless." Nick couldn't keep it in any longer. He was about to explode. "If it had been different - if I could've gotten the shot when we got there, I don't know if I would have."

Fin listened, wishing one thing. "Why didn't we shoot him the first time we saw him?"

The question wasn't one he wanted answered. It was one that would forever be in their minds, one that couldn't be answered.

Nick sat down in one of the chairs, leaning over and resting his elbows on his knees. His hands cradled his head as they covered his face. When he opened his eyes again, he hoped it would all go away. It just didn't work that way.

* * *

Cragen and Eileen boarded their flight and left the airport at 3:10. Even with the reservations in his mind, Cragen kept pressing refresh on the news page he had up. Now press was camped outside both the granary and Bellevue. It was clear that the whole city was watching it unfold. The headlines came across the top of his page.

_ "NYPD Hero Fighting for Her Life." _

The next one aggravated him, simply because it showed that information had already been leaked.

_ "Blowtorch, Knife, and Hammer Used in Vicious Attack Against NYPD Sergeant." _

The press couldn't have known unless an officer was offering it. He sat back in his seat as the airplane leveled in the air. It was going to be the longest flight of his life: Eight hours of waiting and praying; Eight hours of staring at the images burned into his mind from earlier in the day, images that kept flooding his phone through news feeds.

* * *

Munch sat in the quiet of the room in a chair near the door. He didn't wish to startle Brian when he awoke, but he wanted to be there for him when he did. He stared down at the nail he'd picked raw as his anxiety was let out. The pain didn't reverberate through him. Nothing did.

Brian was dreaming, no doubt. As he lay on his back, eyes closed, his arms moved ever so little. Munch could only imagine what he was seeing. As the nightmare ended, Brian's eyes fluttered open, his body sitting up. He panted, not seeing Munch immediately. Then he did.

Munch stood up and dragged his chair next to the bed quietly. "Hey, kid." The older man spoke to his best friend sympathetically.

Brian only took a minute to realize he was awake. His breathing slowed as he sat back. "What are you doing here, Old Man?" He gave Munch the reply he usually did, accompanied by the unofficial nickname he often used.

Munch sat down. "Sitting here with you." The reply was simple, but meant so many things. He was there to lend his support. He was there to await news on what the fate of one of his best friends was.

Brian looked straight forward and shook his head. It was like he was in a trance. "I thought she was at home, Munch. I thought Nick was with her."

Brian felt another pang of sadness as he whispered. "I thought she was safe."

Munch let the words hang in the air as he thought about them. "And she wasn't." He couldn't form anything else. He hadn't known how it had all happened. He just knew that it had.

Brian's emotions became a swirl of anger. "Well apparently not, Munch. Otherwise we wouldn't be here in this goddamn hospital waiting for a complete stranger to come tell us if she's alive or not."

Munch didn't take it personally. He knew where that raw emotion was coming from. He could feel it welling up inside him too.

The anger inside Brian turned to despair in a matter of seconds. It felt like everything in him was spiraling out of control.

"She left a note telling me she'd done what she had to. She told me she loved me -" his throat closed again unexpectedly as he tried to finish. "- I just want a chance to say it to her again."

Munch's eyes began the production of salty tears as he listened. He reached out a hand and put it on Brian's arm. "It doesn't matter."

Brian could hear the wavering the words held.

"She knew." The switch Munch made to past-tense didn't occur to them, but it was the unconscious mind telling them what they had no way of knowing. Olivia's heart wasn't beating. The doctors were still trying to get her back from the other side.

Brian was unable to cry, but he nodded at Munch. "Thank you." He could never express how much hearing that meant to him.

* * *

The fight continued in the operating room as the efforts to resuscitate Olivia became desperate. The monitor came to life four minutes after she had died. Her heartbeat startled them into a very new reality. The air was building up again in the chest cavity. Every move they'd made to save her life had only hurt her more. Her heart was pumping too fast to compensate for the lost blood in her body.

"Get that lung repaired now! If we have to try and save her again, she'll go into cardiac arrest!" The surgeon worked quickly, hearing the heartbeat speed up and slow down at unsteady rates. If they lost her again, it would be for good.

* * *

At 7:57, two hours after Olivia had gone into surgery, Fin, Amanda, and Nick sat with coffee in their hands. Their minds were exhausted. Their bodies were about to fall apart. Minutes seemed like years. Hours seemed like a lifetime.

The doctor that emerged from the doors spoke to the nurse at the front desk. The three detectives looked up as they did every time a doctor came through the doors. When the receptionist nurse pointed her finger at them, they stood up, hearts pounding again. Instead of butterflies in their stomachs, nails pierced their insides. It was hard for them to remember how to breathe as they met the doctor in the middle of the room. What was he going to tell them?

"You're here for Olivia Benson?" He asked them carefully.

"Yes." Nick nodded. Fin and Amanda held their mouths open.

"I'm going to need you to come with me." Those words weren't the ones they wished to hear. Numbly, they followed the doctor through the doors and into another dim room. It was empty. That could only mean one thing. They knew as the doctor closed the door behind him and turned to say what he had to.


	16. Chapter 16

Amanda, Nick, and Fin stood rooted to the spot in the darkened room as they stared into the unreadable face of the doctor.

"Olivia suffered a collapsed lung that we had to repair."

The rush of relief washed through them in waves of cold shivers. He hadn't told them she hadn't made it, so she had to be alive.

"We were able to repair it, but are having difficulties keeping it inflated. As of now, we're hoping the lung does not collapse again. If it does, cardiac arrest is a very real possibility."

The relief they'd felt was short-lived. The pain of the unknown still sounded its existence. Before, they needed to know what was happening behind the doors of the operating room. Now, even after receiving more information, Fin, Amanda, and Nick felt even more lost than they had before.

Fin opened his mouth with all the power he had left. "How long until we know?"

Amanda and Nick didn't even hear the question. The doctor, however, did. He answered slowly, carefully. "It could be days before we know if she's out of the woods. As of now, we plan to keep her sedated so we can monitor her breathing."

Nick swallowed the emotional ball pushing against the inside of his throat. It didn't get rid of the awful feeling he had within him. "Can we see her?"

Despite the obstruction in his airway, Nick managed to ask the question they all wished to know the answer to. She was alive. She was still with them, even if she didn't know it.

"I'll give you some time today. Starting tomorrow you can stay as long as you'd like. We just want to make sure she pulls through the night." He answered them.

Their faces were blotted with absolute terror. He noted the blood on Amanda's coat, Nick's as well. "Room 220."

The doctor put a hand on Nick's shoulder, finding him stepping over the line into another realm. It was enough to briefly bring him back. The reassurance given was small, but enough.

"We're doing everything we can." And then he was gone, leaving them with the array of thoughts their minds had begun to spin.

Amanda felt like she was going to throw up. Fearing her stomach would throw itself into the room, she put a trembling hand to her mouth. None of them looked into each other's eyes.

"I - um -" Amanda was having trouble creating words that made sense together. She'd been speaking since age three and that one moment and everything in it took the ability away.

"I'll get Brian and Munch." That was it. She had made a sentence. It drained almost everything she had left as she exited the room, stepping into the hallway that seemed so much darker, colder now.

* * *

Brian was sitting in front of Munch, unspeaking when the door opened ever so slowly. When they saw Amanda entering, both got to their feet in a millisecond.

"What?" Brian heard the desperation in his own voice, but he couldn't even attempt to hide it. Hiding his true emotions from the people who he knew were fighting the same battles was pointless. It had taken him so long to realize it, but he finally had.

Amanda found that she was crying again. At least that's what it felt like, a droplet of salty solution coating her cheek. She reached her hand up to wipe it.

"No." Munch heard Brian's reaction to Amanda's tear as he felt the truth stab him in the heart.

"She's alive." Amanda's voice was even dripping with the tears left unshed. "We're going up to see her." She finished.

Brian's legs disappeared from beneath him. Suddenly he was floating by someone else's power. Munch put his hand upon Brian's shoulder, seeing the unbalance of his friend's body. Amanda didn't say anything else. Even if she had been able to, she wouldn't have. There was nothing else for her to say. Both men followed her out of the room.

* * *

Fin and Nick didn't wait for Amanda to come back. She'd only just left when they looked into one another's eyes. Without exchanging a word they had a conversation. Their decision was made, and they left to seek the room 220.

The elevator ride up was agonizing. Nick wasn't sure what he was feeling, if he was feeling at all. As he stared at the metallic inside of the small, moving room, he felt the apprehension within him mount. He was sure that he wasn't ready to see what Olivia looked like. He was sure he would have trouble admitting to himself that it really was her lying in whatever state she was in.

Fin was doing the same thing when the elevator doors opened. He had been mentally preparing himself to see Olivia's weak shell since he'd left the waiting room with his two colleagues. The hallway opened to a desk, permitting access to the ICU. Nick could hardly fight his badge off of his belt when they arrived at the desk.

"Olivia Benson." He gave up when the shaking of his hands became so violent that the very muscles in his jaw clenched.

"Five minutes, guys." The woman at the desk had no idea - about any of it. She waved the men past her without thinking for a second how precious the woman was that they were about to see.

Nick's feet slowed involuntarily as they reached door 220. Then they stopped right outside of the entrance. The door was open, the only thing obstructing their view of Olivia a curtain, suspended completely still from the ceiling. With another two steps, her paled body came into sight. Both stopped.

From his ears to his toes and every nerve in between, Nick could feel the haunting feeling manifesting within him. It was like walking into a tomb, a dark cemetery. Olivia was alive, but she wasn't. She was breathing, but she wasn't looking at them. The breathing tube expanding her tattered lungs filtered into her mouth as her eyes remained closed. Her body was so still that it was eerie. Even with the rising and falling of her chest, it seemed that all other life had become extinct.

Fin, standing next to Nick, couldn't remember how to blink. He wanted more than anything to be able to look away, but each fiber vibrating within him instructed him to keep his gaze steady. The sounds that echoed in the hollow chamber created a dome of unsettled air, swirling in odd tranquility. A steady beeping monitored the heart rate Olivia's body maintained. The whirring of another machine failed to comfort them, making it easy to hear when the next life-giving breath was delivered.

Nick picked up his feet after freeing them from the invisible ropes binding him. He made it to the side of the bed before he let it hit him hard. Fin, however, was unable to get his feet to move.

Nick cautiously looked over Olivia again. Every sound of the machine, every ounce of light reflected off of Olivia's drawn face drove the stake further into his heart. He realized he could could not stop the tears from falling from his eyes. They were pent up, ready to flow out easily. He couldn't see anything as he sat down on the bed beside her. Her finger had a monitor on it, but that wasn't why he took her hand. Olivia looked as if she'd left forever. Her body was vacant of any sign of the woman they both knew.

Fin watched Nick's reaction as he saw the stitched slice below her eye, the bandage of white over top of another wound below her opposite eye. Even her hand was cold.

Fin stood, helpless to move. His feet had sunk deep into a solid muck that seemed to be moving backwards. The two people got farther and farther away as he looked. After Nick took her hand, Fin was seeing the pair from the opposite side of binoculars.

Footsteps sounded in the hallway as Munch, Amanda, and Brian turned to enter the room. As Nick sat with his partner, he whispered the words he knew were not his to say.

"I'm sorry." His voice broke more than once. There were so many things he was sorry for.

"I'm so sorry." Then his whisper almost died. "Come back. We're not ready to say - goodbye."

And then the lump swelling within him cut off his air. He could say no more. A voice behind him caused him to get up.

* * *

It was like falling backwards into a coffin when Amanda led Munch and Brian into the desolate room. It felt so cold, and Olivia lay motionless, eyes closed. Her arms were at her side like she had already passed away, only countered by her breathing. She stopped right next to Fin, feeling the same sensation he was.

Nick stood up as Brian rounded the corner. He felt like he'd been shot. He got a few steps more than Fin and Amanda before grabbing the wall for a support. Was it really Olivia lying there? It couldn't be. She hadn't smiled a lot lately, but she sure possessed more emotion than what her body showed now.

Munch took a sharp breath in. There was silence in the room. Nick took Fin's arm gently and led him out, both still dazed. It left the other three to see it all for themselves.

Amanda went forward with Munch to make sure Brian stayed upright. They approached the bed so very cautiously. Amanda saw the lifelessness in her leader, the best woman she had ever known. She reached out and touch her hair, the dark brown seemingly black against the pillow. And when her fingers were aware of the actual contact, it was real. It was so real she couldn't stay. So she left Munch and Brian, giving them both a squeeze on the shoulder before leaving, wiping a tear from her face. Then she wiped another. It was difficult to see as she joined Fin and Nick outside the room.

"I'm glad you killed him." She suddenly felt a flicker of anger within her.

Nick nodded. "Me too. It just wasn't soon enough."

They all felt that everything concerning Lewis hadn't been done soon enough. He deserved to have not survived the first trial he was brought to. He definitely didn't deserve a third chance to get what he wanted from Olivia.

"I can get us hotel rooms around here. Just so we - stay close." Amanda's voice dropped when she trailed off.

They all knew what she meant, and they nodded together.

"Cragen and Eileen are on their way back. Get them one too." Nick replied as Amanda began to walk away. She halted, looking at Fin and then back to Nick.

"Right now?" Fin asked immediately.

"They're on their way from Spain. I hope they get here in case -" his mind was spitting out all sorts of scenarios for him to chew on. One of them had switched over to already thinking Olivia was gone. Amanda already knew. She picked up her phone and paced in the opposite direction.

* * *

Brian sat down where Nick had been. Munch watched his best friend grab Olivia's hand tenderly. He set it in his lap. Just a week before he'd been thinking about telling her that it wasn't working. He had almost left her. Then all of what had happened would have happened when he was gone. Those thoughts sunk in as he stared into her face.

The skin, usually a glowing color of bronze, had mellowed eerily to a shade of ghostly white. Her eyebrows were dark against her forehead's skin. Her face was littered with terrible gashes and fresh bruises that hurt Brian as he looked at them. And her neck - he swallowed hard. Her neck had clear impressions of bruising finger marks around them. No doubt Lewis had tried to gain obedience, or possibly even kill her with his inhumane maneuver.

He had caused it all. He had sent Olivia on a different course. They were all living in an alternate universe because of this, one darker than the one they'd known long before.

Munch was hearing nothing but a high pitched ringing in his right ear. Not a thing in the world could touch him. It was the other side of the world that could. Hands from hell grabbed his heart and broke pieces off, assisting in its disintegration from the outside. Olivia had given up her life to save so many from Lewis' pain. Munch knew she was a hero.

He remembered back to the years before. She'd been so young, so different. Again a piece was broken from his soul as it hit him. That young Olivia hadn't known what atrocities life would throw at her. She couldn't have known that it _could_ get worse than it had been. At least she had still been breathing on her own. At least her blood had still been inside of her.

Munch's eyes clouded with mist. She would come back. There was no other life he knew without Olivia, one of his closest friends, his family.


	17. Chapter 17

Brian stared at Olivia's face as his heart continued to tear for what seemed like years. The sudden, erratic beeping noise coming from whatever it was monitoring her heart didn't even make it to his ears. It terrified Munch, who had to reach for his best friend when the nurses and doctor came rushing in. Brian stumbled backwards as they invaded the room. Munch ripped his eyes from the scene, turning Brian back towards the door. Brian watched as long as he could, even though he wished he could look away. Then the doorway obstructed his view of Olivia's still body.

Munch made it to where Nick and Fin both looked distraught.

"What happened?" Nick's voice caught. They'd both seen the rush of the nurses, the expression the doctor held. Amanda paced somewhere down the hall getting hotel reservations.

"I don't know." Munch was out of breath as he looked at the two of them and then to his shoulder where Brian stood next to him. All he could do was shake his head to confirm he didn't know anything either.

"Amanda's calling for rooms at the hotel across the street. We'll stay close." Fin took over. He did his best to keep his voice steady.

It didn't feel real. None of it was actually happening. They'd all wake up in mere moments to find themselves, Olivia included, sitting around the squad room, waiting for the next horrible case to break. Instead, they were standing in a nightmare, claws of darkness creeping their way up their bodies as they waited for the bad news they'd hoped they'd never hear.

"Go home. Get what you need. Then we'll meet back at the hotel. Doctors say we can't stay here tonight anyway." Nick found the courage he had left, and he used it to remain as in-control of the situation as he could be. There was nothing he could do and it was killing him.

Brian put a hand to his forehead.

"I'll go with you." Munch offered, to which Brian couldn't bring himself to deny. He wanted to be alone, but he didn't. He wanted time to think, but then again he didn't. Every bit of time he had only made the thoughts darker and deeper. He couldn't survive if he kept the time to himself.

Amanda hung up the phone and joined the panic-stricken group.

"We're all meeting back at the hotel after we get our stuff." Fin said.

She nodded meekly, but as Brian and Munch turned to leave, she mustered up what she had in her and touched Brian's arm gently. Brian wanted to thank her for the gesture, but he didn't feel it. He felt nothing.

* * *

Cragen fell asleep an hour into the flight, finally giving into the beckoning rest that had been teasing him since early that morning. Eileen sat next to him, taking a minute to just look at him. She saw how much older he seemed to have gotten the days after he'd received the call that Lewis was out. But since he'd seen that Lewis had again won more time with Olivia, he'd aged more than ten years in just a few hours. She felt her heart becoming heavy for him, for them all. She too felt the apprehension and fear that Cragen did. Olivia was one of the members of her family too.

As the former captain slept restlessly next to her, Eileen remembered the smiles she'd gotten from everyone in the squad room every time she entered. Then her mind went back to the night Olivia was having a dinner party in her and Brian's apartment. Eileen had found her after supper, leaning heavily on the bathroom sink, eyes closed, head bowed. The suggestion earlier in the night to "_not talk shop_" was more of a plea, so it appeared.

Eileen shifted in her seat as she continued to remember. She'd put a hand on Olivia's back, concerned but understanding.

_"That's all they know."_ She recalled saying in a whisper.

Olivia's jump at her touch, her eyes – so distant – had initially brought Eileen into an understanding of how much Olivia had gone through. Olivia didn't even try to talk back. She just nodded.

_ "But they're trying, Honey_." That night sent shivers down Eileen's spine as she sat. The window yielded to a sunny day, ocean below them. She wished she could make it all go away.

* * *

Nick drove home alone to retrieve his suitcase. He managed to keep it completely together through the city streets, thinking over and over about what he could have done, what he would be able to unsee, what he wouldn't. But the moment he got into his house and shut the door behind him, everything he'd been holding back was unleashed. It began in a tingling at his toes. Then it worked up into his chest in shocking waves. His fists clenched as he stood, his jaw doing the same.

There hadn't been enough time. He wanted more with Olivia, more time to just sit in silence with her, to listen to her breathe on her own. It all was what he'd taken for granted. The way she rubbed her forehead on late nights in the precinct, the way she clicked her pen nervously doing paperwork – it all flew back at him, hitting him hard. Tears blotted out his vision as the anger and terror mixed. And then the monster came out. Lewis might have taken all of that time away. He may have wiped Olivia clear off the planet.

Nick's fists opened, and he lunged toward the first thing he saw. The book flew across the room, smashing loudly into a wall and then falling to the floor. The couch moved when Nick grabbed the pillows angrily and threw them as well. He whipped them as hard as he could. The thick flower vase he picked up dented the wall it hit, and Nick had done everything he could. His body collapsed on the couch, and he sat with his elbows on his knees, hands on his face, crying so hard it hurt.

* * *

Amanda sat silently in Fin's passenger seat as he drove her to her home to get what she would need. He didn't say anything. Neither did she. As they walked up the stairs to her second-floor apartment, she brought her keys out. The only horrible thing that came to her mind was the sight of similar keys, lying in a pan on Olivia's stove. The memories were coming back.

They reached her door, and Amanda pushed a shaky hand to the knob, trying desperately to get herself and her partner in. The harder she tried, the shakier she got. Tears fell faster as she failed again and again. Then his hand was on hers, steadying it. Amanda looked up at Fin, asking him for assurance.

"She's going to be ok. Right?" Her voice was hardly one she recognized as the tears changed it. They took hold of her throat and shook back and forth.

Fin swallowed hard. He wanted to be able to give her the comfort she sought.

"I don't know." He replied painfully.

The door swung open with both of their hands helping one another cease their shaking. Amanda let her fear show. She had no energy to try and hide it.

* * *

Munch glanced over at Brian as they drove to his apartment.

All Brian could do was stare out the window. His gritted teeth steadily chewed his thumb. He couldn't cry anymore. Now that emotion was replaced by an intense anticipation. They were all so helpless to try and bring Olivia back. She'd been the one that had taken action to end it. She had gone alone when they'd told her they would do anything they could to keep Lewis from her. Brian thought deeper, the one other thing – besides losing Olivia – he was afraid of. Had Lewis had time to rape her? Had he actually gotten a chance to get all he wanted? Little did he know, Nick was sitting in his own home thinking the very same thing. The only reason they would know is if the doctors had done a full exam, which may not happen for days, maybe weeks.

Munch drifted from his worry of Brian to his worry of Olivia herself. That could not have been her that they saw lying lifelessly in the pale room of Bellevue's ICU. She had so much more to her. There was so much more to that woman than what she appeared to be, and it was just another mistreatment that no one in the hospital who had her life in their hands knew any of it.

Munch parked the car in the garage below Brian and Olivia's building. He followed his friend up in the elevator and trailed behind him all the way to the apartment. When Munch turned the corner and entered the apartment behind Brian, he stopped.

Brian had rounded the corner and froze. He saw Olivia's coffee cup from the previous morning – the coffee cup he'd seen her drink from. He saw her shoes tucked neatly next to the kitchen counter, her favorite inconvenient place to leave them. She'd been there with him only a day before. Brian swallowed very hard, so hard it felt like his chest exploded. He didn't hear Munch enter behind him.

The pencil he stepped on when he took his next step caused him more pain than any other pencil would. He picked it up and held it in his hands tenderly, well aware that Olivia had used it in one of the moments that she prepared to give as the last of her life. Munch stepped forward and put a hand on Brian's shoulder lightly.

"She'll be back." He didn't know for sure, but he couldn't say anything otherwise. Olivia was always ok. It wouldn't change.

Brian wasn't aware of what words his mouth formed as he challenged Munch. "Will she?"

It was something he couldn't stop. His realism was just another thing he had no power to change.

* * *

The precinct filled up as the officers gathered to watch the television in the media center. It displayed the lone podium with a large, clear NYPD badge facing the awaiting crowd. The commissioner was waiting to make a second statement to settle what dust had arisen. The eyes of the city watched as he stepped up to where he would deliver his speech.

"This morning – before the sun had hardly broken the horizon – one of our own, Sergeant Olivia Benson, was taken to Bellevue after a horrific attack."

He began with a lump in his throat that he knew he must push away. He himself was a man who took pride in his department, and every officer he had was one in his own family. Olivia was even more so. He had known her personally and professionally for over a decade. He trudged on as the reporters stared, holding microphones and taking picture. There was something going on in the city, and they all yearned for the truth.

"As the investigation is still open, the final thing I may offer is this, a message for everyone in this city: Our sister in blue fights for the same things we all do. I don't wish to see any disrespect towards her."

The press was sure what that meant. So did the officers watching. The commissioner was warning them about the leaked information. He was giving his orders.

"When the case is closed, more details will be shared. As for now, please keep Sergeant Benson and those close to her in your thoughts. We will have updates of her condition on our website. Thank you."

Then the man, holding himself with a diminished amount of pride and certainty, exited the room, vacating the screen. It was left at that.

Those in the 16th precinct looked around in a range of different conditions. Most didn't have any emotion at all on their faces. It was part of their job to keep it inside. But they all wished for the same thing: that their commanding officer return to their building. They wished for everything to be ok.


	18. Chapter 18

The day grew dark as another round of thunderstorms moved into the area. It reflected the mood of the city as it waited in impatient anticipation. The traffic continued at its normal rate, darting through the blurry streets quickly.

In that hospital room, nothing was happening, nothing except a life hanging on. The heart rate was steady, Olivia's pale shell lying completely still on the bed. Her lungs weren't working. Her brain was unsure of what it was that it had to do. The rest of her body crumbled in the uncertainty. Every breath pumped into her made her chest rise and fall slowly. Each one signified a better chance of her returning to doing it on her own.

* * *

Nick entered the hotel room carrying light luggage. He found Amanda, Fin, Munch, and Brian already there. Brian sat on the first bed, his head in his hands as he leaned on his knees.

The lump in Nick's throat returned with a terrible vengeance. The way one man had held the power to affect every single person he knew and loved sickened him, at the same time terrifying him.

_How many more men were out there that would do the same? Could it happen again? _

He set his bag down as Amanda gave him a sad smile of welcome. He felt himself tired from the explosion he'd had back at his home.

"Cragen called." Munch said quietly, trying to get them to think about their captain for a bit. The thoughts on their minds were just too heavy.

They all gave their attention to Munch, except Brian, who seemed to be in a realm of his own.

"They're still six hours out." He stopped.

Fin shook his head. "Longest flight of his life."

The words fell so easily from his mouth. Those words sunk their teeth into everyone's skin. It felt like it went right through to their hearts. They knew the pain of being there and seeing it all. But what was it like to not be there? What kinds of things was Cragen seeing when he refreshed the news page? They all knew he was doing it. They knew he wouldn't want it to be sugar-coated. Yet, some of the news articles were no doubt misinformed or not informed at all. Everyone wanted to be a part of what was happening, even if they had to create fake stories just to do so.

"How about we all try to get a little rest. It's gonna be a long week trying to get Liv back." Fin suggested after seeing the reactions from his last comment. Reluctantly, they each agreed.

Munch thought he'd add something he was reminding himself of. "Worrying is like a rocking chair. It doesn't get you anywhere, but it gives you something to do."

His soft voice of wisdom rang in their ears, resounding in deep thought. Amanda nodded a little, acknowledging the fact that that simple quote got to her. It was the truth, after all. Each of them split up into their separate rooms and laid down, in search of sleep.

* * *

Cragen awoke with four hours left in the flight. The nightmares came back to him, jarring him as he tried to seek out what had really happened and what hadn't. Eileen put a hand on his.

"No word." She said as she saw the panic in his eyes.

He sat up slowly, pushing his head back against the seat. His phone was already in his hand, and he refreshed the news page despite the concerns of what he might find. The next three news articles were the only new ones that came up.

_"Sergeant Out of Surgery at Bellevue."_

_ "16th Precinct Squad Beds Down Close." _

_"Commissioner Gives Warning." _

The last one made Cragen's heart beat irregularly. The commissioner had made a statement and he had missed it. Eileen just watched him quietly. She couldn't say anything that would make it any better. She'd done what she could. Cragen's irregular heartbeat halted altogether as a picture loaded with an article. It seemed the press had gotten a close view from above at the granary.

The picture captured the paramedics rolling a stretcher away from Nick and Amanda, who stood looking shocked. The crystal clear photo terrified Cragen. His blood ran cold. It was zoomed in so close that he could see the paleness of Olivia's face. She lay stiller than the others, even in the still photo. There was blood streaked on her face, down her arm, in her hair. And then there was the large, crimson stain spreading through her sweater. That's where Lewis had gotten her.

The air was coming through his throat shallowly. It was unsteady and painful. Eileen took the phone gently from his shaking hands. She glanced at the picture for but a second. Then she locked the screen and put the darkened phone next to her so that they could see nothing more.

"Not now." Her eyes were already crying on their own.

As much as they had needed to see the picture, they couldn't take any more. Cragen took her hand and then turned to gaze out the window. It was such a huge world with so many people in it, but there was only one he was worried about.

* * *

Amanda took care of the call to IAB before lying down in her bed, Fin in his own across the room. They confirmed they'd all make statements in 24 hours. As she stared at the ceiling, Fin's voice came across to her.

"Say what you need to." He encouraged her. If she had the courage to say what she felt, he thought maybe he would be able to as well.

Amanda sighed, unable to discern where she had to start. The melody of every nerve clashing with different emotions played like a haunting reminder on repeat within her.

"I know that Olivia did the right thing." She paused, thinking. "I just wish there would've been some way _we_ could have known."

Fin listened and then let the silence take the words. "She was ready." He said so quietly Amanda almost missed it. But she hadn't.

Even as much as she wished she could believe that wasn't the case, it had been the look Olivia had given them in that granary that made them very aware that she was prepared. Amanda saw the look change as Nick did.

"Not at the end. We saw it." She referred to the sudden change that overcame Olivia's face as she began to weaken in front of them. Then she had changed her mind. It was one thing to go into a situation like that expecting to die - alone. It was whole other thing to be prepared to die in the arms of those who loved you. Olivia had been expecting the first, and had been unprepared for the second when it began to happen. That's when she'd changed her mind.

"I just wish we could've gotten him the first time."

* * *

Nick was lying in a room alone, just thinking. Being alone with his thoughts was too much, but he could not stop them. He couldn't shut them off. What a terrible man Lewis was.

He saw Olivia's face again as she lay in his arms struggling to breathe. As hard as it was to accept that he might be saying goodbye soon, Nick couldn't help but think about everything Olivia had done, putting something, anything on the line to help someone else. She'd taken that to the next level when she'd set out to save a little girl's life in exchange for her own.

Nick swallowed hard. Hero. A hero. His hero. That's what she was and would always be. When his eyes closed in utter exhaustion, all physical and mental energy spent, the thoughts took him back in time. He saw Olivia, felt her sarcastic bite his first days on the job. So much had changed. Then the image was back. Olivia stood in her full uniform, saluting proudly as she received her public promotion to the position of NYPD Sergeant.

The way she looked so helpless and small in that hospital room threw Nick. She had always been the one who seemed larger than life, who had been able to deal with everything hurled her way for decades. Nick had to close his eyes as tight as a vice to try and keep signs of his emotion from showing, but it did no good. One single tear squeezed past the barrier, wetting his cheek as it journeyed down his skin onto the pillow behind him.

* * *

Brian was lying on his back, staring at what was above him. The invisible net of oppression seemed to grow darker as the time went on. How only one night could change so many lives, possibly even take one, made him so sick he couldn't move.

As many times as he'd repeated it to himself that 'it wasn't fair' didn't do justice. He'd thought about it so many times before, but it always came back to his mind unforgivingly. How was it that a criminal had escaped conviction so many times? How was it that he'd gotten three extra chances to try and crack Olivia so wide open she couldn't be repaired?

Munch was listening to the silence in the room, trying to decipher the hidden messages within it. It offered him nothing but agony. The sound of Brian's steady breathing in the bed next to his only encouraged the painful surges of reality coursing through him. Never before had he seen his best friend in such a condition. Brian was almost in physical pain, and he showed it. They all were hurting, but it was not the same kind of pain.

Munch moved a little and then used his voice. "He's dead." He reminded Brian.

Brian's emotions ignited into rage and frustration. "What does it matter if she's gone too?" He challenged angrily.

Munch only fell into stunned quiet for a moment. "She's not."

Brian stared up at the ceiling shaking his head. There was so much he wanted to do, wanted to say, but remained incapable. All the thoughts coursing in him were just too complex to put into words. Or maybe they were too simple. He wasn't sure. What he did know is that he couldn't get them out.

"Munch, there's no way _not _to blame yourself, myself, everyone." Brian tried to express himself. "Sure it's Lewis' fault - all of this - but I had a chance both times to keep it from happening, and still, it happened. We shouldn't be here right now."

Munch digested the words slowly. The feeling was one he too found himself drowning in.

"I know." He let his best friend know that he understood.

There was no question: everyone lying in those hotel rooms near one another had something they wished they'd done differently, or not done at all. At the same time, they wished they'd been able to do more.

"But we can't know everything. We didn't know what Lewis was going to do."

Brian was completely still. Munch nodded when he heard the question from Brian. "You remember when I told you - I couldn't imagine being without her?" The sentence was a careful one.

"I do." Munch replied, waiting for what was to follow.

"Now I _am_ imagining it." It hurt to admit. It hurt Munch to hear it.

"And I can't make it stop." The way Brian's words trailed off at the end prompted Munch to look over at him. Brian's gaze couldn't be broken from the ceiling. Brian had felt the emptiness of the apartment after he'd retrieved his clothes and items for the overnight stays at the hotel. Olivia wasn't even dead. She just wasn't there with him in their home. What would it be like if she never came home? How empty would the home feel then?

Munch swallowed what felt like a bowling ball, weighing him down. "Liv's going to come home, Brian."

It was like Munch could read his thoughts. "And we're going to get you both through this." Munch finished firmly.

He was going to give into the illusion that Olivia was always alright. This time would be no different. As Munch shut his eyes, he recalled the image of frail Olivia against the pale sheets of the hospital bed, her life being provided from machines outside her body. Maybe this time, that would change. And as much as Munch wanted to be able to change that very real possibility, he could do nothing but lie helplessly along with everyone else. If the weight crushing him didn't kill him, he knew the endless waiting would.

The largest reason he had for leaving the force was that he never wanted to have to go through what he did the past September, searching endlessly for Olivia, thinking she was going to die if they didn't get to her soon enough. Yet there he was, thinking the very same thing. Except this time, they _had_ found her. This time, they may have been too late.


	19. Chapter 19

Four hours of excruciating flight later, Cragen and Eileen's plane landed at JFK airport. The pace at which they exited was astonishing to everyone around them. The look on Cragen's face told them everything, without telling them anything. Their baggage appeared in the claim as soon as they got downstairs.

Eileen noted the way Cragen constantly checked his watch, refusing to look at the screen of his phone, fearing another news story. He'd finally cut himself off. He wouldn't read anymore of what he wasn't sure was true. His shaking hand reached out to snatch his suitcase, the one thing he'd brought back. He had dropped almost everything to be back with the people he loved. He may have retired, but he'd never stop being their captain.

Eileen touched his arm, giving him a steady look. It silently told him that she was right there with him, that no matter what happened, he wouldn't have to go it alone. Cragen nearly cried the moment he saw her dark eyes meet his. So many things were infiltrating his body. Every little emotion seeped into his heart, then spreading as every vessel filled with everything he felt.

No one had called, Cragen was sure. He'd checked every ten minutes. Was that good news? Or was it bad? He couldn't think straight enough to know the difference. He walked out of the airport on shaky legs. There was part of him that wished he'd never come back. Maybe if he wasn't there, if he didn't see it, none of it was real.

* * *

Everyone who was lying in their hotel beds got winks of sleep. Others got more. But they all had one thing that was the same: nightmares. Usually jolting awake was the thing that brought them away from the rest they so desperately needed. The naps turned into a way to pretend for a moment that nothing had happened, that it was all alright.

Time passed as slowly as it had ever been, but still seeming fast. The sun rose high into the sky, though hardly a soul could tell it was there. Clouds wrapped their arms around the sun, making it impossible for the rays to break through the darkness. Lightning lit up the sky at 11:30 that day. Rumbles of thunder reverberated off the windows of buildings and rolled through the city with force. Rain came down in blinding torrents before settling into a steady fall.

Nick was lying on his back, finally sleeping when his phone rang. Every time he heard the ringer, his heart sunk. It was like he was just waiting to hear the news that his best friend was gone. Maybe if he didn't answer, she wouldn't leave him. Rationalizing, Nick shook his head and reached over to grab the phone.

"Captain." He answered, sitting up a little bit.

"Nick. We just got into JFK. You guys are at the hospital?" Cragen's voice was as panicked as it had been hours before.

Nick, having completely forgotten about his former captain's arrival sat up farther.

"No. No, we checked into the Park South Hotel. We're all waiting for any more news." He explained with a painful swallow. The pause on the other end was full of emptiness.

"We got you and Eileen a room, Captain. I'll send you directions." Nick tried to keep his captain thinking in the moment, not about what was coming, or what had past.

Cragen cleared his throat before answering. "Thanks Nick."

There was an even quieter pause. The question about to leave Cragen's mouth was something to which Nick needed to think about an answer. The old man didn't need any words that might get his mind going faster toward a deep abyss of uncertainty. Cragen hadn't seen any of it actually happen. He hadn't been there. Nick knew he would need time to think about how to answer Cragen when he asked what was happening, what had already happened.

"Captain." Nick stopped, keeping his eyes closed for longer than he usually did. "We'll talk about it when you get here. She's still alive."

He assured Cragen what he wished to know the most. The tremble in Cragen's voice physically hurt Nick's heart. Cragen had done everything he could to protect the woman he'd so long loved as family.

He didn't tell Nick that he was going to see Olivia before he even thought about heading to the hotel. He thanked Nick and hung up without a response.

* * *

Simon got a call while he sat in his car on the west side of Newport, Oregon. He and Tracy were visiting her parents out in the beautiful Pacific Coast city. He had just returned to the beach home with the pizza he'd picked up when his phone rang. Unable to recognize the number, Simon let it go to voicemail. He picked up the pizzas, a delicious aroma wafting up to him as he carried them to the door of the house. The clouds were dark, the blue sky invisible. The door opened easily, even with the three large boxes of food in his arms. The warm air of the inside atmosphere sharply contrasted the cool spring air of the coast.

"Hey! Guess who's got supper?" He smiled as he shut the door behind him and climbed the stairs to the large family room, kitchen, and dining area, all glowing brightly with light hardwood.

Ty was the first one to jump up from the game of trains he and the other three children were playing on the ground. The family had gotten together, Tracy's brother and his family joining them in the home. Simon's kids, Ty and Olivia, had meshed perfectly with Alicia and Michael. Simon's phone rang again as he set the pizza on the counter. He grabbed it out to find the same number calling. He ignored it again.

* * *

The walk to the hospital room was a long one, and Cragen took it alone. Eileen told him she'd let him have some time, and she had sat down in the waiting room on the first floor. Cragen didn't have control over how his body was getting to where he needed to be. Without knowing where he was going, he arrived in the ICU.

The nurse at one of the desks looked up, noting his distant expression. "Sir. Sir can I help you?"

He turned and looked at her, taking a few steps to close the distance between them.

"I'm looking for - Olivia Benson." He replied shakily.

The nurse put her eyes to the computer. After clicking only twice, the woman glanced up at him.

"She's in room 220. I'll take you." She got up, concerned by the paleness in his face.

Cragen walked beside her down a hallway that seemed to be sucking the life out of him. Every white object he saw, every white wall passing him, every tile beneath his feet took another vital breath from him. The air was too thin to supplement his lungs. He was about to see what had happened - what it had caused. The nurse suddenly stopped. Putting her hand on his arm, she sighed.

"Ten minutes is all I can allow you with her condition." Seeing the way Cragen was staring into the room, she whispered sorrowfully. "I'm sorry."

Then he was alone again. He entered the room cautiously, putting one foot slowly in front of the other. His throat was so swelled up he thought he'd suffocate. Behind the curtain, he found a body like one he'd never seen before. It wasn't Olivia. No way. Her hair was darker, her skin white as snow. He took only one step further. It _was_ her. Then he felt the spear permeate him hard. It was real. It was so real. Tears sprung to his eyes as he looked at her. The time it took him to reach the bedside was lost in the recesses of space. The pain didn't allow him to think of anything else. Time stopped altogether. Life froze as he sat down next to her.

Her face was bruised and stitched, one of her arms completely wrapped, a wound in her side patched as best it could be. Her cheeks sunk into her mouth, making it seem like she was already dead. After all, it was just a machine that was keeping her breathing. Cragen recognized the ventilator immediately. One tear followed another down his cheek.

"Oh Liv." He whispered to her.

Her hand wasn't as warm as it should have been when he put his own upon it. Then he squeezed it gently, holding it. He couldn't see. He couldn't breathe. All he could do was think about the last time he'd seen her. He remembered that night in his office after he'd announced his retirement.

"I told you to take care of yourself, Liv." The words were drowning in his suppressed sobs.

His finger moved over the smooth, chilled skin of the top of her hand. "This isn't what I meant."

He held it together for just one more sentence. "You deserve so much more."

The first of many cries came from his throat. Cragen bowed his head and let the crying rock his body.

* * *

A soft knock on the door signaled the arrival of the captain. Nick got up as quickly as he could, snapping out of sleep again. It was only 12:50. The door swung open to reveal Eileen and Cragen.

"Captain." Nick could tell immediately where Cragen had been. It was written in his eyes as they reached out to hug one another. It was a short, but firm embrace. Nick pulled Eileen into a hug as well before inviting them in.

"I'll get the others." Nick suggested.

Cragen shook his head. He couldn't process anything. He didn't need more people.

"Let them rest." He replied breathily.

Eileen put her hands in her pockets, asking what she knew Cragen never could.

"What happened." There was no question mark at the end. She was demanding an answer.

Nick retold it - all of it. He watched as Cragen's and Eileen's faces changed with different emotion. He drew toward the end - the most painful part.

"When we got to her, Lewis was dead. But he'd stabbed her."

Cragen sat on the bed, uncertain his legs could take his weight.

"Doctor says her lung collapsed. They're trying to make it possible for her to breathe on her own again." He finished with his eyes cutting right into Cragen's.

"And if they can't?" Cragen already knew what the answer was. Nick didn't answer at all.

"When will she wake up?" Another question that left no room for a small lie.

"We don't know." Nick softly spoke. "Hopefully soon."

* * *

The afternoon passed with storms rolling into the skies above Manhattan. The rain settled in puddles on side streets and main streets alike. Heavy foot traffic lessened to more than half of its usual volume as the torrential rains continued. The headlights of the traffic occupying the wet roads cut through the foggy day like a knife through paper.

The granary was still alive with investigators and press. The concrete exterior was dyed a dark gray as the rain ran as tears down its side. It mourned what it had harbored. Its skeletal insides echoed with unheard whispers and intricately coded messages. They filtered between the eerie sounds of the rain pattering on the outside. A leak had water flowing down to the concrete floor on the level where the most recent terror had occurred. The tiny, thin stream followed the downward slant of the floor, mingling with what evidence the place had to offer.

There was nothing that the old structure would give away. It would keep its secrets forever, no matter how many people tried to persuade it to do otherwise. What happened was only to be known by the people to which it had happened. Only they would know for sure everything that the building kept within. No one else would ever know.

Standing alone on the rippling waters of the canal, the Red Hook Grain Terminal would remain silent for as long as it stood.

* * *

**Next chapter we'll see Emily again. Thank you for reading! Have some thoughts? Drop me a review! I'd love to hear them all!**


	20. Chapter 20

Eileen told the two men that she was going to go take a rest in the room. Nick and his former captain watched her go. Just after the door closed, Cragen turned to Nick.

"How bad is it?" That was the one thing pressing against his mind, the only thing.

Nick hesitated, already telling Cragen what he was afraid to know. "Doctor says her lung might collapse again. If it does, she'll go into cardiac arrest."

The terrified detective tried to keep his voice even to no avail. He didn't need to hide anything.

"We just have to wait." Nick nodded then.

The connecting door to the room opened after he'd finished the sentence. Amanda and Fin both came through, sad smiles on their faces.

"Captain." Amanda said softly, approaching him and taking him into a hug.

Cragen gratefully accepted the short hug, followed by Fin's.

"You don't waste any time." Fin commented sadly. As he looked into his superior's eyes, he saw the concern he too felt.

"Not today." Cragen shook his head in answer.

Door slid open again slowly when Munch and Brian came through.

"The world traveler, back on his home turf." Munch said, unable to make it sound like a lighthearted joke. There was no joke.

Cragen felt his tears starting to come again as he saw how his old friends and colleagues had all come together to keep each other from falling.

"I'm sorry this is why you had to come back." Munch whispered in his ear as he hugged him tightly.

Brian swallowed hard, still pained by the huge lump in his throat. Cragen had rushed home from a once-in-a-lifetime cruise to be with them as they tried to get Olivia back. Brian didn't even have a chance to say anything, because when Munch released Cragen from the embrace they shared, the captain closed the distance between himself and Brian.

"Brian." His tone was soft and sympathetic. Of all the people hurting, Brian had to have been hurting the most. "I'm so sorry."

Brian accepted his arms around him, hugging back with an emotional intensity.

"She finally got him." Brian pushed the words from his throat as he held Cragen's frame. The older man nodded against him.

"Yes she did." He pulled his arms tighter against Brian, comforting him.

"What a hero she is." He finished, feeling the tightness in his chest again.

* * *

Three miles from where Olivia lay withered, Emily lay in her own bed, eyes closed as her body continued in a deep sleep. The nightmares didn't wake her, only dragging her further into the night. The rain hitting the window of the room created the music that brought back the sounds of the rain pattering on the giant building that horrid man had kept her in.

She had waited for someone, anyone to come help her. Someone had to know she was gone. Someone had to know where she was.

She moved unconsciously as the nightmare, lived hours before, continued.

:::

_The screams of the woman who had come to save her got louder and longer than they had been before. Emily could see nothing, but despite her hands covering her ears, she could hear every cry of agony that came from the pitch blackness. Her heart beat so fast that she thought it was going to crush itself against her rib cage. _

_When he stopped, maybe he would let them go. Maybe after hurting her enough, he would let them leave. _

_It felt like ants and other bugs with microscopic legs were crawling over her arms and legs. Her body was rigged with chills as arms of shadows reached out into the room where she was bound and tried to grab her. Faces jumped out of the shadows, laughing at her. Why wouldn't it stop?_

:::

Emily finally sat up, awakened by her dream in a violent jump. Her breaths came fast from deep in her chest, her eyes darting from the walls to the ceiling. The rain still hitting her window, the darkness outside only made it seem like she'd never awoken at all. She cried out.

"Mom!" Her chest heaved again.

"Olivia!" Maybe, like before, even though her mother couldn't save her, Olivia would.

When no one came through the door, Emily began to cry. "Anyone."

The door flew open, Lacy's face of concern accompanying her into the room. She moved quickly to the side of the bed.

"I'm right here, Emily. It was just a nightmare." Lacy wrapped her arms around her daughter and hugged Emily while she cried. What terror she'd been through.

"It's ok." She repeated in a whisper, rocking her daughter out of the shaken state she was in.

"I'm supposed to be brave." Emily said softly. "But I'm scared." Her voice shook dramatically.

Lacy felt her own tears beginning to fall down her cheeks. At least her daughter was still there with her. She was alive.

"Me too." She said.

The screams rang in Emily's ears again. She covered them.

"He hurt her so bad." She squinted her eyes shut. "She was screaming so loud."

Emily kept telling her mother what she'd been dreaming back to. Lacy listened to the retelling with pain filtering through her body. That woman had been a complete stranger to Emily, but she'd saved her from the pain. Emily wasn't hardly touched.

_Such bravery,_ she thought.

"When she held me, she was shaking." Emily's voice dropped low as she uncovered her ears and leaned further into the protection her mother offered.

"I asked her if he would hurt her again." Emily was back in the granary, remembering everything as she experienced it again.

Lacy held her tight.

Emily felt the nod against her as Olivia had done. "She said yes."

Chills immediately coiled down Lacy's spine and through every fiber of her body.

"Mom." Emily was suddenly composed and quiet. It scared her mother.

"Yeah, Honey." The sound of thunder rumbling through the city filled the pause Emily gave.

"Is she ok?"

Lacy sighed deeply. She wanted to be able to tell Emily that Olivia was ok. In reality, she had no idea. She'd been so worried about her daughter that she paid no attention to the state of the woman who had saved her daughter's life.

"I don't know, Em." Lacy whispered. "How about I go make you some hot chocolate and check?"

Emily looked up to find Lacy's comforting eyes in hers. She nodded silently.

* * *

The evidence was collected, the scene still remaining as the investigators left. The crimson of blood stained the floor, even after it was cleaned. The fingerprints stood out in the darkened dust on every wall and window. It left an eerie reminder of the ghosts who had fought their battles there.

The last vehicle left at 3:00, a full week's work for those who carried the evidence away. The barricades held back an invisible crowd. The people dispersed shortly after 12:00 that afternoon when the torrential rains opened the skies.

The officers all had a different sort of feeling inside that building. Whenever a case involved one of their own, it was different. It reminded them that it could happen to any one of them at any time. Then it reminded them that their lives had not been the ones in danger _because_ of the officer down. It helped them remember that the oath they took was to be faithful until death. When they saw that that sacrifice had been made, it humbled them in their job.

It wasn't just a job. It was a duty, a lifestyle. The badges never came off. Though they weren't on duty all the time, every man and woman on the force knew what their job was. They had to be ready to do whatever it took to protect the people of the city that they loved.

The building stood alone again after the last officer left. It rose into the foggy sky with an ominous presence. Radiating from it was a strange feeling of remorse.

* * *

As the squad sat with their former captain in the room trying to talk everything out, Nick's phone rang. He answered though he didn't recognize the number.

"Sorry." He apologized to the group and then stepped into the room to the left.

"Detective Amaro." He answered while he shut the door behind him. The darkness in the room made him shiver.

_"Detective, it's Lacy - Lacy Haitcamp. We met earlier today."_ The woman's voice on the other end was familiar.

Nick could picture the face in his mind. "Is everything ok?" All he could think about was the little girl, that poor girl.

Lacy didn't answer the question. She just asked one of her own._ "The woman who saved Emily - Olivia - is she going to be alright?" _

The last word gave away the inner conflict she felt. Nick swallowed hard.

"I don't know." He regretted to reply. The images of Olivia in that white room, blending into the sheets with her pale skin all flooded back to him. He squinted his eyes shut to try and make them go away, but they became more vivid.

"She was stabbed twice. Her lung collapsed." Nick had to remain objective. He had to sound like he was as strong as he wished he could be.

"She's not breathing on her own."

Lacy's pause was one of terrible disbelief. She couldn't say anything until she cleared her throat. _"She saved my little girl." _

The tears were evident, though Nick could not see her eyes. They leaked through her voice into the phone.

_"Can you do me a favor?"_ She asked quietly.

Nick swallowed what felt like a ball of pins. "Anything." He nodded, even if she couldn't see him.

_"Will you call - just to let us know how she's doing?"_ Lacy took a deep breath and wiped the few tears from her cheeks.

Nick was able to smile for but a millisecond. "Absolutely."

When he hung up the phone, Nick took a few minutes to himself. It was all just too much. After entering the room with the others, he could tell what they were thinking.

_Had that been the call? Was she gone? _

Nick looked down and shook his head. "That was Lacy Haitcamp. She wants us to call with updates."

He assured them that it hadn't been what they thought. The collective sigh of relief was almost audible.

"Emily was holding Liv's badge when we found her." Amanda was talking to no one in particular. She was just reminding herself of the touching feeling it gave her, knowing Olivia had given up her badge for the little girl. It reminded her of the haunting emptiness she'd felt. Olivia's last sign of authority had been voluntarily given to the girl.

Brian hadn't known. He allowed his head to go back against the headboard as he sat in the bed.

"I thought she was finally getting better." He said softly.

The words cut them all to the heart. Would she get that chance again?

* * *

Simon was eating pizza around the kitchen counter with his smiling family when his phone rang for the third time. With his mouth full of food, he handed the phone to his son.

"Ty, why don't you answer and see what this hooligan wants."

With a smile, Ty walked into the living room and put the phone to his ear, answering politely. "Hello?"

The reply came faster than he expected. _"I'm looking for Simon Marsden - is this the correct phone number?"_ It was a woman on the other end.

Ty nodded. "Yes. He's my Dad."

_ "You're a very polite young man. May I speak to him?" _

Ty glanced back to where Simon was still eating. "He's eating now. Could you maybe call later?" The boy turned back around.

_ "It's very important - about a woman named Olivia Benson." _

Ty's face lit up. "She's my aunt." He smiled broadly.

_"I see."_ The nurse hated making these calls. The way that little boy piped right up when he heard the name hurt her. She had to deliver the news that his aunt was nearly killed.

_"May I talk to your dad?" _She didn't want to crush his spirit.

Ty nodded and walked over to Simon. "Dad."

Simon looked at him with a smile. "You take care of him for me?" He put a hand on Ty's head playfully.

"She says it's about Aunt Olivia. It's important."

Simon swallowed hard, putting his pizza down and wiping his hands on the napkin in front of him. He took the phone from Ty.

"Thanks bud." He answered. "This is Simon."

The woman's first words hit him hard. _"Sir, you're listed as Olivia Benson's emergency contact." _

She paused, hating having to tell him. _"She's in Bellevue's ICU."_


	21. Chapter 21

Simon covered his other ear as he took a couple steps backward, unsure if he'd heard correctly. His heart pumped faster than it had been only moments before.

"The ICU?" He asked, knowing what he'd heard was true.

"Why? What happened?" The questions came out so easily. He didn't want to stop after just two.

_"Sir, I just work with the doctor who treated her. From my knowledge, she was stabbed in an attack."_

Simon found it difficult to stand in the room that was suddenly moving. The nurse felt terrible, like she did whenever she delivered news like this.

_"I'm sorry for the lateness of the call. __Sir, if I may offer you one more thing: I would suggest you stay close. She's in critical condition."_

That was all her job entitled her to do. She'd given him all the information she had to.

Simon leaned heavily on the wall on the opposite side of the kitchen. He was unable to form sensible words, so he didn't even try. With no sound coming from the other line, the nurse said she was sorry, and then hung up. Simon couldn't remove the phone from his ear. His eyes were wide.

Had that really just happened? He hadn't seen Olivia in three weeks. They'd just had so much going on that their schedules to get together never matched.

_It must be a mistake,_ he reasoned._ It's not her. It's someone else_.

He was yanked back into the real world when he felt a tug at his jacket. Ty was standing down below him, concern in his young eyes.

"Is Olivia ok?" He asked.

Simon knew his son was reading his expression. He knelt down and spoke at Ty's level, trying to find words. "No."

His voice was trembling under the pressures of oncoming tears. "She's hurt."

Ty widened his eyes. "A lot?"

Simon felt his tears beginning to surface. His vision blurred as he touched Ty's face and nodded. Ty saw the tears as soon as they began, and they scared him more than anything. His dad was always so strong. He wasn't afraid of anything.

"We can go home now." Ty said simply, walking into Simon's arms. "She's going to be ok. Olivia's always ok."

The little arms around Simon were just enough to open the flood gates of emotion. "I hope so, Buddy."

Tracy, throwing away her plate, took notice of Simon and Ty.

"Simon." She said cautiously. "Simon, what's wrong?"

Simon let go of Ty, still holding his hand as he stood up straight.

"Liv's at Bellevue ICU. I have to get back." He said, showing his panic.

Tracy looked at him in disbelief. "What happened?" Her exasperation matched her expression.

"She was attacked - that's all the nurse said." Simon choked on his words as he forced them out.

Tracy put a tender hand on his arm. "I'll get packed up." She squeezed his arm.

"I'm sorry." He said softly. He didn't want them to have to leave the place they'd only been for a few days. Tracy needed to spend time with her family too.

Tracy shook her head. "We need to be there."

Addressing Ty, she took his hand. "Let's go get ready to go home, huh?"

Simon watched them disappear down the stairs. Tracy's brother, James, approached him.

"You guys have to go?" He didn't question it. He saw the looks in their faces.

"My sister - she's in the hospital." Simon replied robotically.

"I'll look for an early flight back." James put a hand on Simon's shoulder.

"Thank you." He was so grateful for a family like the one he had.

James only gave his wife, Leah, one look, and she knew something was wrong. She kept the children playing while Simon joined his wife to pack his things. He had to get back.

He had to be there.

* * *

Munch, after an hour of serious talk, finally made the first playfully sarcastic remark. Cragen had been asked where he had been on his long voyage around the world. After answering, naming a few cities and countries, Munch piped up. He knew he had to do something. It was all just too heavy.

"You getting grays out there on that boat?" Munch reached out toward Cragen's head before pulling it back.

"Oh, right." He joked as the shine came off of his friend's head.

Cragen couldn't hold in a smile. He had missed that wit. He had missed all of what his former squad had to offer.

"Alright, John. But if I _did_ have hair, it couldn't ever be as gray as yours." He fired back, forgetting for a pleasant moment what had brought them all together. It didn't matter where they came together. Wherever they all were was home.

They all had the short laugh they were in great need of.

"Aright. Alright." Munch surrendered with a small grin.

The laughs died off into a reflective silence. Remnants of happiness showered every face in the room. The knock on the door brought them all out of their deep thoughts.

Eileen entered the room cautiously. "I'm not interrupting, am I?" She poked her head around the corner, still feeling like a bit of an outsider to the group.

"If you mean Munch and Cragen catching up." Amanda smiled at her, glad to see her again.

"Come in, Eileen. Please." Brian motioned her in.

His mind was going a thousand miles per minute. He knew what he was feeling. It was confusing, hurting him. Was it right for him to stay? Was it right for him to go? They'd spoken about it, he and Olivia. But it had only made it harder. Were they together for support? They'd been alone for so long. Maybe it was just comfort they sought. He couldn't hear anything going on in the room as he thought about it.

Eileen sat down next to Cragen, not knowing whether or not to smile.

"She's got no grays, does she Munch?" Fin said with his own sarcastic smile.

Eileen glanced over at Cragen with a quizzical gaze. Cragen smiled and shook his head.

"It was Munch. Don't worry, he doesn't make sense most of the time." He assured her.

"Now we need to hear about this trip - from the both of you. I want to know how traveling the world is." Fin leaned back as he spoke and awaited the stories to begin.

* * *

The hospital room was quiet, a nurse coming and going to record what her monitors read. The life on the bed continued on, her body repairing itself as best it could. The breaths taken by machine were delivered in hopes of a full and complete recovery. Every cell, every fiber she had in her was working endlessly to ensure life could go on. It had to.

The nurse left the room, finding the doctor coming around the corner to enter the room.

"Jen." He stopped in front of her with his clipboard. She clutched her own against her chest.

"Anything change?" He asked.

Jen glanced down at her recordings. "Her blood pressure is back up to near normal now." She began. "But she's showing no signs that she's able to breathe on her own."

The doctor shook his head.

"The other lung seems pretty stable, though." She finished.

He nodded. "I'll take a look. Hopefully by tomorrow it'll be in no danger of collapsing."

Jen sighed as she looked into the room.

"She's a police officer." She commented softly. "Some others were here with her earlier."

The doctor watched his patient's steady breathing. "It's ok with me if they're in here, as long as they can get out of the way quickly if something happens." He replied.

"I'll give them a call." Jen left as the doctor headed in to check on Olivia.

* * *

Simon threw his clothes and everything else into his suitcase with trembling hands. Tracy didn't say anything while she packed her own things in her suitcase next to him. She knew there would be time for him to tell her. He just seemed so overwhelmed. As he threw his last item into his suitcase and leaned on it heavily, she reached her hand out and touched his. He looked into the solace he held in her eyes.

"She's going to be ok, right?" He asked the question he knew she couldn't answer.

Tracy gave him a look of pure empathy. Her heart hurt. "I don't know, Simon."

She paused as she interpreted the pain in his face. "But we're going to be there for whatever happens."

He took a deep breath as he held her gaze. "Together."

Simon nodded. "Thank you." He whispered. She could never know what her love meant to him.

James entered after pausing in the doorway.

"There's a flight that leaves Portland tonight at 5:00."

Simon checked his watch. It was hardly 1:00. He cursed the time change for the first time since arriving.

"Book it." Tracy nodded. "We can head to the airport early to see if we can get on an earlier flight." She suggested.

James nodded. "I'll take you. You packed up?" He lifted Tracy's suitcase as it laid on the bed.

"I'll check on Ty and Olivia's things." She left the room. James turned his look of concern to Simon.

"If there's anything I can do, Simon." He started, not really sure what it could be. Still, he wanted to offer.

Simon, thankful for the offer, took his weight off his aching arms and leaned up off of his arms.

"Thanks for booking us that flight." He paused. "And thanks for letting us spend some time here. I've really loved getting to know the rest of my family."

He managed a smile. It was hard to leave when they'd had such a wonderful time together. But the other side of his family needed him now, and he had to be there.

James put a hand on his shoulder. "I hope you guys can come back soon. It's been fun."

He brought Simon into a quick hug, showing him the growing bond between them. Then he picked up Tracy's suitcase again. "Let's get you home."

Tracy and Simon hugged Leah, and Tracy's parents goodbye. They both got tight hugs from their niece, Alicia, and nephew, Michael. James grabbed the keys as Simon lifted Olivia into his arms. Tracy held Ty's hand as they left the house, waving back to their relatives.

* * *

The conversations kept their minds from everything for only moments. Something always brought them back. But talking about it made it easier. It helped them distribute the weight they carried, making it less for every single person.

The rain kept its pattering against the hotel room windows far into the afternoon. At 4:00, another storm ripped the skies wide open with rolling thunder, blinding lightning, and torrential downpours. Nick's phone rang again, halting everyone's tongues in their mouths.

That feeling sank in again. When Nick had read the number on his phone, one he didn't recognize, he tried to hide his fear. He couldn't, not from the people who were trained investigators. He said nothing as he stepped into the other room. It left the others in an excruciating state of anxious anticipation. Was it _the_ call? Not yet. No.

Amanda shared her terrified glance with Brian. His face said it all. Cragen put his hand on Eileen's, his heart beating irregularly. Fin looked over at his former partner, just staring at the stability that he sought. Brian put his head in his hands as he sat on the opposite edge of the bed from Cragen and Eileen. He leaned over, hoping it would all go away.

Nick came back into the room, his face white. His eyes were hard to read. Had he just received the news that his partner was dead? Or was it something else? Amanda swallowed hard, tears already springing to her eyes as she held her mouth with her hand.

Nick couldn't move. What he was feeling was too real for words.

They remained in silence as they awaited his words to confirm or deny what their minds were relentlessly telling them.


End file.
